547 days

15/5

Dear diary
I haven't been on my phone much
I have a lot to say but nothing at all at the same time

I feel like I'm doing good. I'm proud of myself. My bruise is healing and I'm doing a lot of revision. Alarm is set early tomorrow to squeeze an hour or two of revision before I leave for placement. I even did a small workout this morning.

I'm proud of who I am. I really am. I think I'm a good person and was raised right. Someone could do me so wrong yet I'll still remain civil or kind to them. I held a few doors open today and someone stopped me and said no one else had done that in the hospital for them today.

I was walking out of double doors and an older man who worked at the hospital was coming through, think he was housekeeping staff not sure, so I stood and gestured for him to come through first as he was on the opposite side but he said no ladies first always ladies first, so I smiled / laughed and thanked him. And he said you have a lovely smile, have a nice day .

And it really touched me cos I know it was a genuine, genuine comment. I was walking away as he said that and I stopped and turned around and genuinely thanked him and told him to have a good day as well but all I saw was his back as he was walking away too. I found myself thinking about that man , he looked like he was in his 70s. I hope he gets everything he wants, and is always healthy. People with good hearts are hard to come by these days I'm not gonna lie. I'm happy to say I've eliminated the people in my life I didn't think were genuine and the people I do have in my life are genuine people wi th good hearts. As long as I'm around, my friends will always have someone who is proud of them, I'm proud of each of them for just being themselves.

I was on COTE today and seeing elderly patients with dementia hit me hard. I got a little tearful. These were once people like me, young and youthful with an entire future not knowing they'd grow old spending their days in a hospital with dementia. It made me so thankful for health and I felt so bad. It made me realise I am in the right line of work cos I want to make a change.

There was another patient (79 years old I think)  who didn't know what month or year we were in . He thought the year was 2020. And then he randomly goes I need to pee, whips out his penis and urinates in the cardboard pee bottle thing. We left the bed / curtain area as he got his penis out. But it's just so sad to see how dementia affects people.

As I was walking to the canteen, there's a corner you turn and you can't see who or what's coming around the corner, and this family comes through with a baby in a stroller and they had dressed the baby in the CUTEST monsters inc onesie and it caught me off guard and I didn't even think before I spoke like it was natural thing for me to say and the first thing I said was AWWW that's so cute I wasn't expecting that! And the family members laughed but it made my day so much. The child was adorable and in that onesie toooo?!! Are you kidding??!! Think I felt my heart melt lol. One of the nurses at work asked if I ever want kids and I think motherhood would be my dream, inshAllah one day. I think it's a privilege. It's a gift. It's everything to me. InshAllah one day. I will love my children with all that I have. I already love children who aren't even mine 😂 my younger cousins for example, words can't explain how much I love them, I'd genuinely die for them. I watched them grow and learn to talk and walk and I've bathed them and taken them to the toilet, I've fed them and clothed them, I've looked after them when they were ill and I've fallen asleep with them. I even love my friends younger siblings. When I was over at iehabs for her birthday, I was talking to her siblings and invited her sister out to come Starbucks with us and she said yeah but then changed her mind cos she had an exam .

My mums friends would always ask me to babysit their kids and even felt comfortable enough to leave their kids at our house and I would play with them and make up crazy games just to keep them entertained, I put them to sleep and fell asleep in between them cos they both wanted to sleep with me. Idk. This is off topic lol like this whole subject but I just can't wait for the day inshAllah.