547 days

Fri

I have had the most chilled out day. Wasn't on my phone for the morning or all day until now really. i put it on flight mode for a few hours, left it in my room and went and sat in the garden reading my book and drinking green tea.

I checked up on ilham and honey and Phoebe today too. Tbf phoebe checked up on me today. i normally do every morning or every few days with my closest friends including tash  i ask them how theyre doing. i always think of my friends. I haven't been on Snapchat for a week, I've been posting on my private story but haven't got back to anyone. My friends know this though, they know I go through phases where I cba with social media so we keep in contact through iMessage or FaceTime / phone calls. I much prefer that anyway. Sometimes texting is long which is why I also prefer voice notes, for so many reasons.

I've started putting my phone back on do not disturb now as well, I randomly get all my friends and my sister notifying me at like the same time? I find that so strange? Like a glitch in the matrix. It almost always happens when I want my down time. I've noticed it happens a lot at the gym, or when I just want my own time. It's weird how that happens though, a phenomenon.

I appreciated that from phoebe. It was refreshing to talk about other things. Lately me and Ayrton, all we talk about is how was work, how was uni, and that's pretty much it. Not, how are you? Like you can learn so much from how are you. I did ask him the other day if he's all good, he was talking about things and I wanted to make sure if he's really okay and he can always talk to me about whatever is bothering him, I'll always listen .

I think I have a really good level of self awareness , curiosity and communication skills but that's about it lol.

Anyways. I stayed in my room for a bit and chilled, and I ate Cheetos which tasted amazing. My cravings are becoming more strong today. I was also extremely horny today. I kept distracting myself. Went back in the garden and put my phone on flight mode and then had a nap for a short while.

Was meant to go bowling with parents tonight but we decided to go Sunday night I think instead. I don't like bowling, I find it boring after a while but anything to spend time with my family. You do things you don't like , to make your loved ones happy.

I had dinner and sat with my parents for a bit watching this Iranian / Turkish show. And then I sat outside chilled. I much prefer sitting outside in the evening time rather than morning, I love evenings so much. Sometimes I sit out so much, the stars start to awake. I sit there for ages staring at the sky. Or just chilling.

My dad decided to start a fire and burn some wood and I toasted marshmallows. I would have stayed out more but I didn't want my dressing gown to smell of smoke. I took a bite from the marshmallow but didn't really like it so I gave the rest To my dad. I also think the smoke disrupted my camera lens idk.

I then went to my room and picked my
Phone up properly and went on it around 6pm (currently 6:51pm)

My dad is such a girl dad. The other day I kindly asked him for £1.5k for my uni fee in march and I said I'd even take out my own savings and he said Hyra as long as your dad is around you never have to worry about money. He said, even if I have to find it underneath a big rock, I'll always provide for you. He said it in Persian. Persian is such a romantic love language so some things are difficult to translate to English. I appreciated him saying that. I told him I'd somehow pay him back. He always says to me, as long as I'm here never feel like you can't ask for anything. I know that's his responsibility as a dad but a lot of dads aren't like that. My white friends some of them have to pay rent when they turned 18.
Although I'm also not that type of daughter or girl in general to ask my parents for things. I've never asked for anything for my birthday or Christmas. Maybe once. My mum has always said I'm good in that aspect but she wants me to ask her so she knows what I want. I always say having my mum is the biggest blessing and gift I could ever have in life.

I always try and do stuff or provide for myself. It's crazy seeing the difference between Middle Eastern culture and white culture though.
In Middle Eastern, with money, you always kinda reject it politely to the point you're forced to keep it if that makes sense, like for example birthday money. If my grandma gave me it, id be like no grandma it's fine thank you so much and she'd like force me to take it. Or if you owe someone money, your first priority would be to somehow give that money back.
The same with food.

In white culture, I've seen it time and time again how fast people take money lol it always makes me laugh. Me and my Asian friends notice it and speak about the differences sometimes. It's kinda cool to be brought up in two different cultures. You become aware of so many things.

In Asian culture, if someone owes me money or asks me money id give. For example, I asked Ayrton to go half on my shoes and he tried to pay me back as he kindly accepted and I said no it's fine. And that was it for him lol. He's like well you said no so I didn't give you it. If that was w and my Asian friend. Even if I said no, or they said no, I'd still give it or they'd give it.

I am not asking for money but in my head that was a massive realisation for me how different it is. He forced me to take money for his sons cargos but for my trainers he was calm. It's cool I don't mind, but even for the £150 I spent on his Christmas gifts, I remember when he started talking to me after the whole break up thing he said he'd pay me back for it and I said no it's fine. I won't lie that got to me. Not the money thing like yeah my money was wasted but how he hadn't even accepted it thinking I've wasted my money even if I did it out of love. It still bothers me that my money was wasted at a time I needed money most. I'm not a money person at all, as long as I'm healthy and happy then inshAllah I'm sorted, obviously having a nice salary and way of life would be ideal inshAllah I won't deny that.
It's weird cos Im not the type of person to accept money but If he had, I wouldn't have been struggling with money this much. I could have saved it and used it alongside my savings to pay for uni. I mean no that's a lie I'd still be struggling but I'd be able to pay a bit of it. But it's only one more month and a half and then my student finance comes and I'll be okay. It's just crazy how fast they accept the first time offer but in Asian culture it's not like that at all.

My mind genuinely felt at peace and ease today.

I'm going to sit outside again, my dad finished the fire. 19:13pm