547 days

Thursday evening

Dear diary,

I just came home - 17:32pm

Today was a really good day and things between me and Honey were back to normal. It's hard to forget things she said to me but it is what it is.

I'm actually really happy, and I got posh free food lol. It was a good and happy day alhamdulilah.

On the drive home we turned the music to the loudest it will go and screamed the songs and now both our throats hurt lol, my dad was like I could hear your music from inside the house.

The drive was really nice. I'm in love with the sky and the stars. Golden hour and just after golden hour is my favourite time of the day. I even put the window down even though it was cold just so I could absorb every last bit of nature down to the fresh oxygen molecules.

I went to my room and seen my perfume shelf had been rearranged and I got slightly annoyed because almost every day that I've come home I've noticed my mother has tried to tidy or clean something and rearranged it. I called her (she's out the house) today and I told her if she could stop doing it. I'm thankful and appreciative but my room is my sanctuary and if I feel like things need rearranging then I'll do it myself. I only called her because it's been happening a lot lately otherwise I would have left it if it was a one off.

I also had a really sweet and loving text from Lorenz today. I honestly hold his words in my heart. It means so much to me. It just shows the person is thinking of you and cares.
He also said he's proud of me yesterday or he said I should be proud of myself I can't remember but he mentioned the word "proud" and it was such a nice feeling knowing someone is proud. Or acknowledges I'm trying to be a better version of myself.

I wish happiness would last a lifetime, when I'm happy I cling onto the emotion until it disappears. I love it when I'm happy. Like when I'm happy, I'm happy with my entire existence idk how to explain it, it's like I feel it oozing out of my skin and want to encapsulate it to treasure forever or share to other people.

This is why I love photos . I'm ALWAYS taking pics and in my friendship circle and family, I'm known as the photographer, because we never get these precious moments back. Even candid moments.

I wish there was a way to know you're living in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Sometimes when I'm sat in placement or lunch with honey, I think to myself, in the future years down the line, I'll be thinking back on these tiring placement days and hopefully smile knowing I had a really good time.

Nostalgia is a blessing and a curse. I say that with old age too.

I'm smiling as I type this.

- 17:40pm 🤍

I feel really bad bc I asked my mum to stop babying me. I said it nicely. It was about her quickly cutting up some salad for my dinner but I was like it's fine I'll do it myself thank you sometjmes I feel like you baby me and she just smiled.

It's only because I want to show her that I'm responsible, even if it's down to making myself a small salad. I'm the only one living at home so I feel like I'm obviously they're main priority.

I feel bad because I know one day, I'll do anything just to have her make me a salad, but she's gone from this world and I'll look back on this day and regret telling her to stop babying me. I already feel bad and regret it. Maybe I should tell her to baby me lol - 18:49pm