—— discussing Lorenz and protectiveness and argument with honey. I'm gonna start writing a sentence at the start of my journals so I know what I've wrote about because I re read some stuff.
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Literally me lol. Stayed silent until I shouted back cos I reached my limit and it's probably the first time I've ever shouted at someone in YEARS. I apologised after for it, I'm not proud. But to sit there and hear a bunch of shit over and over again isn't on. As soon as I sat in, she wasn't willing to be civil and straight away had an attitude.
But you know what. It's done in the past. I'm not gonna say I'm over it. Cos I'm not. I'm a big forgiver but I don't forget and it'll hurt me for a while I'll probably cry about it again tonight.
Also I got such off vibes from these weird guys today. I hate being around guys sometimes. I remember at work when I used to work there, I was with someone who was training me who wasn't Lorenz and he was showing me this cupboard and he was the nicest guy but I immediately felt so scared lol idk how to explain it, idk if it's a girl thing or me just being paranoid based off past experiences, but when we were alone in that cupboard and he shut the door I was like what if he does something to me so I kept staying by the door like brain was in survival mode. I think I felt like that once with Lorenz. It's pretty easy to sus someone out if they give you off vibes or not. Although obviously some people like serial killers are able to deceive you.
This is why it's so important to me to be with someone who does act as a protector and does make you feel safe. Like instinctively safe if that makes sense. I do feel safe with him. Lorenz is a good protector and protective. I feel extremely safe around him and with him. I do feel if something was to happen (God forbid. He would step in and try to protect me, like that time when I was scared to walk past the pub when we were first going out after work) I remember one time a guy almost walked into me and I wasn't paying attention so Lorenz put his arm out in front of me to stop the guy from bumping into me and at the time I didn't think much of it but looking back, not only is it so attractive to me but he's aware of our surroundings and like even when crossing the road, I've noticed he does subtle things like walking on the outer part of the pavement or when crossing he briefly put his arm on my side. Sometimes I notice it sometimes I don't but I do find it attractive for many reasons lol.
I tried looking at my tonsils and they seem fine, my sore throat keeps coming and going but I feel under the weather. Think it's cos I'm so tired. I've been waking up before my alarm lately, like 6am. My alarm is for 7am.
We could have gone home ages ago but honey is still talking to her "friend". If this was me it wouldn't have gone well. I wanna sleep in the car I feel emotionally drained - 16:23pm
—— Tonight was the first time in months I think, that I ate dinner with my parents and I didn't go upstairs to my room straight away either. I sat down and talked to them. They asked me how things were with Honey and I was explaining to them how the morning went. I didn't say everything as I told them I cba. I was trying not to cry as I was telling them but they obviously know me better than anyone so they knew I was upset.
