One of the Pas I'm shadowing saw my bruise just now and he noticed the purple / red spots in it and he was like that's quite a nasty bruise did you get punched? And I was like haha idk how I got it just woke up with it one day and he's like are you fighting yourself in your sleep?
I'm like if only I could tell you And you know where they've sent me? The same department I was in last week to take bloods cos there's nothing to do now. I didn't wanna be like ah no I don't wanna go there blah blah blah so I've come to the prayer rooms cos I'm scared to go there.
I finish in an hour. So I'm gonna revise. I feel like I'm behind on revision. Already decided I'm either not gonna come in some days next week or finish early cos of revision and the other girls are doing the same. I'm genuinely really upset today for so many reasons. But I'm keeping it together.
I'm craving so much food today. Not even junk food just so much food. Actually I'm craving something sweet. They gave me biscuits today so I'm currently eating that lol. I'm due on in a week I think or like 12 days and I always get my symptoms like a week or so before so I think it's the period cravings kicking in. And you know what, H commented saying I've lost a lot of weight today and I know I have and I wanna gain a bit back so I'm okay with eating.
She also gave me my birthday gifts this morning and it was so thoughtful I was so happy bless her but I was like honestly our friendship alone is a gift and things like that cos it is.
I think H finishes late today so I'm tempted to call my dad to pick me up I'm so done with placement it was probably like 3% helpful. Not to mention the other thing that happened last week which I've yet to discuss fully I think I have a lot on my mind and maybeeee if I write about it or Talk to someone about once and for all then my brain will feel cleared up cos right now my thoughts are like a messed up jigsaw puzzle
I was gonna call A but then remembered he's picking B up . Urgh I want someone to tell all this to.
The fingertip bruises under my arm are more green today but It's fading at the same time
I literally just got home. (18:42pm) Im crying. I don't like placement. I went back to that department. I saw that man too... he's not a man. That's not what you call a man. He even knows my name cos I have a name badge. He's not worth a single thought
I HATE PLACEMENT. Listen. I'm thankful for this degree and course wallah I am. I hope I don't seem ungrateful but it's SO HARD to enjoy something that is draining in every way possible. I didn't learn anything today.
I just can't anymore. In all aspects.
And then work messages me now on my way home to see if I can do a last min shift and I want to cos I want and need the money I'm not gonna lie but I just want to chill for a bit, revise even though I have a headache.
I feel like my head is gonna explode.
Wallahhhhh I'm tired. Was dragging my feet today. Harisa asked if I've been crying on the drive home and I said no. I had a little bit of a cry earlier but I'm also just SO tired. I'm SO drained. And for some reason my body is needing all the food and chocolate today it needs energy cos I'm dragging myself across the hospital, and I've had like ten meals today, and I'm still peckish. But it's also probably cos I barely ate anything yesterday.
And I've been wanting to go gym for ages now and I was planning on going after placement today cos I thought I'd be finishing early BUT NOPE ITS ALMOST 7pm. I've missed out on a work shift, gym - which would have made me feel better, and some revision time. I had paracetamol in the car to get rid of my headache but I'm so overwhelmed. With everything. I'm crying.
There were good aspects of today, but that wasn't of placement, it was when I was with H or on call to Iehab. Or I had my free Costa drink and it was fudge brownie frappe it's my new fave drink and it tasted amazing. I finished it in 4 mins.
I'm debating going in tomorrow. If I don't go in then I could have worked tonight, but I told myself only one shift a week when it's closer to exams.
And I've found even better cars than the one I was planning to see this Sunday. But the ones I want or even for insurance requires me to work more but I can't when I have placement. I know I can pick up more shifts after exams but when the opportunity is right there and you can't take it, It's just urgh. But I'm learning to prioritise. I need a Kit Kat. No you know what I need. Toblerone. Flowers. Sleep for 19 hours. A massage. A bubble bath. Subzero peanut butter ice cream - I was actually thinking about that today and I want to go gym. And a smoothie. Ideally from pret. But I'm So tired right now.
I cannot wait for this to all be over. I'm so pissed off at uni. I'm sooo mad at them for placing us in this placement hospital.
Don't think I'll go in tomorrow. Unless H needs a lift then I have to go in. We were both so annoyed about parking this morning. I ended up paying for parking. Today was a complete waste of time for me. And to get home at almost 7pm? I think I'm the embodiment of exhaustion right now. I'm so tired I want to nap😭
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H told me to ask if it's exceptional which I had no idea the definition of but it means more pay or something but it was kinda awkward when she asked what exceptional is so I just allowed it and aired it lol They literally asked me last night if I could Work today and I said I got uni
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