547 days

12/2/2023

Today:

Today was a really chilled day. Had a full English breakfast (no mushrooms though :( ) and they went out shopping, I stayed home taking care of my swollen and painful eye lid ☹️

I'm writing this waiting to get picked up from gym. I'm so glad I have gym as an outlet to destress and get rid of my emotions. I hadn't gone in a week. Not that I was sad or anything but it's still a really good way for me to get everything out. I stayed for two hours tonight, It was kinda empty which was nice.  I have uni online tomorrow, so I'll see if I can go tomorrow as well, I wanna see if I can meet up with tash as I need to give her, her Christmas present, her birthday is in a month as well. I'm a homebody and love my chilled time but I also  can't stay at home. Even after uni, I sometimes stay in Costa to chill out or I purposely ask Honey to drop me off so I have a 15 min walk to myself until I get home.

There's not much else to say about today really. I just saw a guy walk into gym on call or FaceTime with his partner and she was on speaker and it was so cute she was like okay enjoy love you bye and he was like love you bye.

This is another thing, I find myself refraining from saying love you to him so much and it bothers me so much. I shouldn't be scared to say that to him, but I  am cos I know he won't say it back sometimes. It's a horrible feeling. It feels like unrequited love at times.

I feel really good that I went gym, I ate chocolate all weekend so it feels good to know I've done something about it lol. I feel like my stamina is getting better, Im doing more on the treadmill without a break.
My sister was starting to annoy me too ngl. She was fine in terms of Lorenz and my phone and everything but she wouldn't drop uni. She was starting to become the way she is when I find her annoying; persistent. I know she means well though, and I'll never find a love like hers. But I'm low-key glad they only stayed for a weekend.
Anyways I'm home now. I haven't been on my phone this much this weekend and it felt great, just what I needed. Wish he'd call though when he's free.
I need to tidy my room, shower and make myself a salad.

I've also muted a few people on this account, I'm getting followers but can't tell if they're spam or something so I'm like whatever.

My Polaroid doesn't work properly anymore, I need to get a new one and I'm really upset. I did say the next time I'd go gym I'd wear shorts but I didn't today, but I do want grey leggings. My adidas sports bra is so good. It's so hard to come across a good sports bra that's supportive. I'll always prefer adidas to Nike but that's not to say I don't like Nike clothing.

I shall upload pics later of breakfast. It was amazing.
All I need to write about now is Friday✨🪐
- 19:29

Shower done. Salad is made. Time to chill. Room isn't tidy yet but I'll do that later tonight.
My finger nail got jammed in the weight and now it really hurts, it's kinda bruised :/

Also, I'm not gonna hold back with what I write. I will a bit. But in terms of 18+ talk, I might say some stuff now that I know no one knows about this, and I'll start off with saying, I'm feeling so horny today. And I couldn't figure out why, then I realised I'm gonna be on in about 11 days. Maybe that's why I had a strong urge to go gym today too, to alleviate those feelings.

I still haven't prayed. Idk what's up with me and my faith lately, but I really need to get on top of praying.

There's a house with a really big garden on our street and I used to be friends with the owner for years, more than a decade, I loved her, she was like my British grandma here, I'd always visit her and stay in her house for hours on end listening to her and I'd visit her after school, even have pics of her and she memorised my birthday and would give me money and I knew her family members and nephews and stuff. She sadly passed away two years ago. She was 97 I think. I truly loved her. The new owners of her house have ruined the garden, a garden she kept so wonderfully. They've cut down ALL the trees. I was furious today. I hate them. It was a garden full of life, full of nature, birds home, apple trees I used to pick apples for her, and they've ruined it. Pissed me off entirely.

Debating when to write my Friday diary, saving the best til last. I cba right now, maybe later tonight. I'm eating olives and made me think of him cos he doesn't like them lol. I've changed into a grey jumper (not a hoodie) and I've just realised about 70% of my wardrobe is literally just grey lol. Anyways.