547 days

2/2/2023

Sat in Costa listening to my "Down To F" playlist, it's quite chill tbh.
Honey said she's running late, gives me more time to myself.

I'll go to her party and I know exactly why I will go. One time she invited me to go to this thing after uni and I didn't wanna go, one time she brought that up in an argument. I was baffled. I've invited her out SO many times and she's ALWAYS said no. It's always on her terms. She said some pretty mean things about me inviting her out and I was like lol ok. So I haven't invited her anywhere else since, I did invite her to go out with my friends Ilham and isra the other weekend and she made an excuse and went out with her family instead.

So the reason I'm gonna go tomorrow is because I know if I say no, she'll bring it up. And I don't want to give her a reason to insult me.

Anyways, Chris brown is one of my fave artists, his underrated songs are the best. The ones on this playlist are the best, Dream and Come Together.

——
What. A. Busy. Morning.
Only just sat down properly. We could have left ages ago to be fair. So tired. And I need to go gym when I'm home☹️-11;57am

One of our supervisors scared me today like intentionally scared me and stood by the door to scare me I SHIT MYSELF 😭😭😭😭😂😂

As the days gone on, I'm finding myself not wanting to go to the party tomorrow 😭😭 I just really don't want to. I also still have a headache today. Feel like it's worse today.

I just need some alone time from Honey as well.

I need to lose weight but I like how my lower half looks, I just need to lose face fat and arm fat and tone up my stomach. -12:22pm

Starting to get really annoyed now. I've done all the uni things I need to. I've done all the portfolio things and time table stuff that I need to. We can literally get things signed off tomorrow as we are with our supervisor all morning tomorrow so we can easily do that.

My headache is irritating me. I'm so glad I've ate cos If I hadn't I know I'd be feeling worse.

I think I'm pissed off because I'm basically being forced to go to the party tomorrow, she was like my whole family know you're coming, and when you said the other day you might not come my family was insisting you come so now I'm like I kinda have to.

I told Lorenz I forgot my water bottle and he's like well it's just your fault isn't it. Lol, so much for empathy. Nothing like, hope your headache gets better or maybe go to Sainsbury's and get a water bottle. Like I know I can do these things but it's nice to hear from him to know he cares instead of being like "that's your fault isn't it" lmao.

——
The cleaner just came in and I wasn't gonna sit around and not do anything so I changed the bins with her, and emptied the rubbish and stuff.

I think one quality I like about myself is no matter how shit and down im feeling, I'll always help others and put people before myself. I changed the bin liners and held the door open for her.

I remember I once asked a waitress if she needed help with the dishes and she said no one's ever asked her that and she really appreciated me asking. I was only about 16 then. It's how I've always been.

——
Just got everything signed off.
I'm silently begging Honey goes home now. - 13:32pm

Chris brown is playing in London next week and basically this entire month he's in the uk😭😭😭 waaaannaaaa goooo literally listening to him right now