547 days

Lol

I got a piss take bollocking from my parents.

I said something I really shouldn't have and I genuinely regret it. I don't care about the argument itself, they make me sit there and listen but I genuinely could not care less but I said something I shouldn't have and wished i could take it back.

My dad was like leave then.
Leave this house now.
Because I said I don't want parents who are on my case all the time

He even called me out on something so uncalled for
That's the only time I almost broke and cried but I didn't cry. It was unnecessary but apart from that I was unbothered. Couldn't care anymore. Lol. Big fat lol.

I couldn't eat much at Iftar cos I literally had food in my room that I ate. So I didn't eat much dinner and my dad was making small comments (before the massive argument) like how are you not eating any food? I didn't say anything. Then during the argument he screams at me "you're a liar I'm calling you out on your lies I know you didn't even fast today, you lie about fasting" I stayed quiet and acted unbothered. My mum then yells at him saying yeah she didn't fast cos she can't and that it has nothing to do with him. He then realised what he just said and was like no my point was I knew she was lying. Lol. My mum was like that has nothing to do with anything. Don't get me wrong my mum ripped into me too. I was thinking about walking out but I decided against it.

Depends on the girl. But for me who's awkward with periods. Do you know how embarrassing and humiliating it is for your dad to say that about you? You probably won't get it unless you're in my shoes. I'm already planning on not going home tomorrow night. Might stay with tash. I can't do it anymore. I still haven't cried mainly cos I don't care anymore. You know how deep that is for me??? I once wrote the second I don't cry about something, means I don't care anymore. Do you know how deep that is for someone like me? Someone who loves and cares so much? Bro I don't care. Maybe I will tomorrow, maybe I will in a few weeks time, but right now, in this moment in time, I don't give a fuck.

A few days ago I wrote a massive paragraph but I deleted it before I even submitted it cos I kinda felt bad. It was about me moving out and how a few weeks ago I mentally confirmed I wanna move out. Today honestly hit the nail on the head. I can't honestly

Ayrton just messaged about cookie dough and I'm too sad to even eat it. Not only was i in pain for my cramps and mood swings and shit, now I have to deal with this. Wanted to go work tomorrow all excited and happy.

I'm just sad. Why is it so hard to be me. Now I'm crying lol. I can't even tell anyone. I don't want to tell anyone. I only told tash just now. But that's it.
I'm defeated right now . Not really sure what to feel or how I feel. It's always a good day until it's not

I think it's time I start standing on my own two feet. I think I'm staying with Elise tomorrow and for the weekend. Until I figure out. This has been on my mind for ages but I've always deleted it.

My dad was like fine you wanna start staying out later? Then we will just lock the door. Well if that's the case then I won't even come home for the night?

Me and tash were just speaking aboht moving in tigether in the future.

Currently
Listening to Einaudi. It's confirmed I'm staying at Elise's. They don't have her number and would
Never suspect it. I just don't know what I'll do about a car or work.

Apparently Aylar is pregnant too. That took me by surprise today.

So many emotions and feelings I'm
Keeping bottled up

20:51pm

You know the saddest thing
I still want cookie dough 😂😭 I just can't eat it cos I'm too sad. I wanted to enjoy it. My body still wants it but it's like I can't
Physically eat it.