547 days

My iftar night

Dear diary.

I feel sad but I don't at the same time. I think it's because when I came home, I was so overwhelmed that I had a breakdown. Ilham called me right when everything was hitting me and I almost broke down and then my mum kept calling me for other stuff and Ilham was like it sounds like you need to go and I was like yeah :/ and then I cried. Ilhams a real one though. She kept checking in on me throughout the day with the car and even honey said her and her uncle came down to pill to see if they could help with the car but I had just arrived home when they wanted to help bless them. I have good friends alhamdulilah.

So my day.
My day started off really well. Got up earlier to help out with food preparation. And I left the house around 11, drove down my ends to pick up a parcel and the drive was so pretty and then I drove around town to run some errands and things were going great. I know the area quite well so it wasn't stressful either.
Annnnnnd theeeeeen the car didn't start.
It's done it before when it doesn't start the first time but it starts up the second time but this time it really wasn't starting. I got a bit annoyed cos I knew how much i had to do when I got home so I was running behind schedule and I've got things I need to do with the car. Like how am I gonna go to my wax appt next Saturday. Or take me and H to our hospital placement?  Or go gym?

It's just urgh. It was a very "urgh" moment. And I tried. I got my hands dirty and was trying my best. And I got even more annoyed cos my fave white jumper got all black from the car and engine and things and idk if that's gonna stain. And then my dad took an hour to get there and I walked to the garage and they were closed and I had chicken in the car and it was hot outside.

My dad comes and beforehand my mum called me to let me know he left the house a little annoyed. He was more annoyed at something else, not annoyed at me, but apparently he wasn't in a good mood. But when he arrived he was fine.
He couldn't do it with the Audi so we drove home and got the jeep and we were half way down to pill and I asked him if he's got the VW keys and he's like shit I left them in the Audi. He got annoyed here, swearing and things like fully said shit and stuff and he rarely swears in front of me.
So we had to drive all the way back home again, grab the VW car keys and then drive back to pill. I tried helping my dad out when and where I could and asking him questions like "what's this for" and "what does this do"

But it didn't start the car. My dad is very abled when it comes to cars and even he was stumped with what was wrong with it. We've left it there.
We drove back home and honestly idk why I was just so sad. It really dampened my mood. And I went home and I was looking at really cheap cars to buy to get me from A to B. I don't care at this point I just want a car it's just easier. And I was explaining to my parents and they weren't understanding where I was coming from and I kinda walked off saying It's not fair. Because I don't think they realised what I was trying to say.

And then Ilham called me and I was speaking to her and realised my left AirPod is broke. It's not actually broken but at the time I thought it was cos it wasn't working. I was like two weeks ago I went to the gym and noticed my water bottle leak and there was all over my AirPods. Even in the AirPod case but alhamdulilah they still work. But today I was vacuuming the house and wanted my AirPods and the left AirPod wasn't working. And that reaaallllyyyyy upset me. It's what sent me over the edge. Ilham was like do you have the receipt and I said Ayrton gifted it to me and that's even worse cos it's a gift. She goes well you didn't do it intentionally obviously, these things happen. And I was like yeah I know but still. And I use my AirPods A LOT. Like I always have them with me.

And then my mum came up saying something and it just idk. I was very overwhelmed. And then I broke down crying. And I cried for a good hour to myself when I was cleaning the house. And then miraculously my left AirPod started working. Not sure if it's faulty? But it was playing music fine. So that made me feel better.