relapse (tw)

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tw: mentions of self harm, harming, angst
you wanted it to end, for her to come in and hold you. to make you stop crying. for her to numb the pain like she had all those times before. but she couldn't. she was gone and there was nothing you could do. you pushed her away to the point you knew she would never come back. she deserved better. she claimed you stopped loving her, which was never the case. you always have loved her, and will never stop. your mental health has always been rough, but karissa has always found a way to dig you out of your breakdowns. you hit an all time low, and you needed her more than ever right now. you had locked yourself in the bathroom, alone, with a blade. sitting on the bathroom floor, sobbing your eyes out as the pain coming from your forearm numbs the pain coming from inside you. you relapsed. at first it was reliving, until you hear a knock from downstairs. you are dazed, and continue to cut until you hear the door open, by the unlock of a key. it was her. karissa. she was the only other person who had a key to your house.
"morgan? where are you?" she calls out
you don't answer. you continue, but stop after you hear footsteps coming up the stairs.
"morgan, im not mad, can we please just talk?" she says, assuming something's wrong.
you sob, quieter now, so she doesn't hear. but she notices the closed bathroom door as she walks into your bedroom. she walks back, and knocks on the door.
"please let me in. i know your in there. i'm gonna kick this door down if you don't let me in."
the bleeding stops once the towel next to you has adsorbed the blood.
"open the door before you hurt yourself."
"too late." you say, as you
karissa is more frantic now, pushing her body against the door, trying to force her way in.
"i unlocked it. it's unlocked."
quickly, you pull down your sweater sleeve, but it's not too long until the blood starts to pick up again. she runs to you, tears running down your face.
"i'm sorry." you say, as she kneels before you, sobbing into her shoulder as she hugs you, noticing your bloody sleeve.
"m-morgan, what's that?" she says touching your forearm as your sweater soaks the blood.
"oh, i-it's um nothing really, no big deal, don't worry about it." you say, eyes watering.
"that doesn't look like nothing." she says
" o-oh my god. morgan, baby, w-when did you? why did you?" she says crying, as she rolls up your sleeve, revealing many red bloody slashes.
"i'm sorry." you say, sobbing into her once more.
"shh. it's okay. your okay baby. i'm here, and i'm never ever leaving."
"you promise?"
"forever and always."
"we need to clean you up love." she says, wiping your tears from your cheeks.
"please, just one more? just one i promise. please." you say in between sobs.
"are you kidding? no! i need to help you feel better." she says, crying, taking the bloody blade and flushing it down the toilet.
you sigh, and stand up. you become dizzy. karissa stands next you you, with your arm in her hands, over the sink.
"i can do it. i've done it before." you say
"i've got it. what do you mean you've done it before?"
"i've cleaned cuts before."
"no. i wanna make sure your okay, and i'll know your okay if i get to clean them."
"i'm so sorry. i was so stupid to do this to myself, and you. i feel like you can't trust me anymore, that i make you stay even if you don't want to." you say, in the verge of tears.
"morgan, honey. what did i promise you when we first started dating? when i gave you that letter with all my promises to you?"
"you promised to never fail to love me no matter what, to always be by your side, and a bunch more other things. oh, and to always give me validation and love whenever i wanted."
"exactly. so i'm never not going to love you because of this, or as if you make me stay. i want to stay because my love for you is so strongly deep i couldn't imagine my life without you. so please, for the sake of yourself, and me, could you please just tell me when you feel like that again so we can talk it out?"
"yes. i'm so sorry." you say, as she finishes cleaning your arm.
"they need to heal. properly. you are to not touch them until they are done healing. now let's get you out of this sweater." karissa exclaims, rubbing vaseline carefully around the cuts.
you attempt to take the sweater off, but your arm hurts. bad. yes, that was kinda the whole point, but it's never been this bad before.
"i'll do it." she says, helping you. once you've taken the sweater off, karissa grabs you one of her sweatshirts, the ones that smell like her. your favorite.
"these are my absolute favorite. i love your sweatshirts. i should steal them more often."
"then i'd have nothing to wear sweetheart."
"you can have my clothes. i like yours better because they smell like you."
"you can have all the sweaters of mine you want."
"that sounds good."
"do you wanna get off the sink and go watch a movie?" she says, cleaning up the water on the sides of the counter.
"that sounds wonderful. can you hold me?"
"of course i can. i'll bombard you will cuddles and kisses." she says
you smile, hugging her. she wraps you into a warm embrace, kissing your head. letting go, you lead her into the bedroom. she pulls you onto the bed before climbing under a few blankets. you cradle up next to her, as she lays her hand over your side, running it up and down your back. she kisses you as you move closer, aching for her touch; but that was finally fulfilled when you were able to fall asleep in her arms. something you craved to do the day she walked out the door.

the scars healed overtime, and karissa vowed to continue to take care of you, especially when you were struggling with your mental health. she promised to provide you with anything you needed at any time. wether that was cuddles, kisses, hugs or any form of physical interaction, she promised to fulfill your needs. after some long hard months, you stopped harming all together.

a/n: i'm so sorry that this part was as long as it was. i do apologize if this triggered anyone, as that wasn't my intention at all. i just thought i would make a chapter digging into the challenges of mental health. please leave your requests, (if any) in the comments. love you, and thank you so much for your support.
(edit) p.s: i wrote this as an inspiration from taylor swifts "cardigan" specifically "you drew stars around my scars" love yousss 💕

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