Alsina imagines (On Hold)

Forever don't last too long...

Dear August... My Husband

From the time I woke up this morning you were the core of my thoughts. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking of you and same as I stepped in the shower this morning you were still in my mind and I just knew it, you won't be leaving that place anytime soon.

Sigh...

You've always known how to keep your presence felt even if your not there, you insisted,you stamped it with such magnificent ink that don't wear nor wash off, that was one of the things I admired about you. You left a print in my life that I will never forget, some good and some bad but I don't wish for them to erase.

My drive to work was silent. Normally I'll be playing music and singing or how you'd say scream along with lol, yeah! Pretend like you don't like my screaming lol. Today was an incredibly long day in fact it felt  surreal, moving in slow motion. I swear when I got to the office the time was 08:09 and an hour later or so I thought it read 08:15, not even 15minutes in that place I already wanted to come home and lay under the covers.

When I'm not home I feel lost, kidnapped sometimes, kept away from you my love and all I wanted to do or be was be right at home where I can see, touch, smell and feel you. But now that can never happen.

7:30pm Finally I can go home where I can be with you. I opened the front door only to be greeted by darkness and a still coldness. Our home is now as cold as a snowy winters day. And it seems as if the more I descend into the building the more it gets colder cause our room is freezing.

I strip and make my way to the closet to retrieve my sleeping gear which is your tshirt and socks. I silently made my way to the bathroom for my evening shower. I glanced at your side of the sink it still remained untouched nor shifted, still exactly just like the day you left it.

I stepped in the shower and as the hot water hit my body you were still in my mind, the whole day in fact. I couldn't concentrate for nobody. I remember the day i meet you, it was a stormy day and I parked under the bridge and u happened to pull up behind me. It was rather impossible to see due to the amount of rain that was falling so pulling over seemed to be a brilliant idea till the rain died down.

I remember bumping into u again in Footlockers and that's when u asked for my number which I gladly gave to you cause I thought you was cute lol. Indeed you are cute my love. You took me to a chinese restaurant for our first date... How lame, but I loved it.

I remember walking in your house, damn was it huge for just one skinny person. I remember the mug you gave me after I said that and the hearty laughter that boomed after a minute of our stare down.

I remember our second date which u hosted at your home. Damn can this one skinny person cook, I think till this very day I can still taste that meal. Crazy right? Yea I know. I remember the sex later that evening...mmmmmm Let's not talk about it yea? Cool.

I remember meeting your ma, your family especially your babies. I remember our 1st argument... Shit was so petty I'm still embarrassed about it... The make up sex after? hmmm........

I remember you taking me to a Trey Songz concert and you interrupted him while he was performing to propose to me... If that wasn't disrespect I don't know what it was.

I remember the 21st of January 2012, the day I said "I do", my wedding day. You made my dream wedding come to life and till this day baby I thank you for it. That day you made me a somebody, you completed my womanhood, sealed it with a beautiful diamond ring which I don't have the enthusiasm to wear anymore.

I slid down the shower wall when I remembered finding out that I can't bare you kids, the one thing I knew you wanted the most. You were shattered but you never left me u stuck by me through it all. Even when your friends said to drop me you didn't, instead you dropped them.

When we adopted our son Chrislen who was 17 years old at the time, you treated him as your very own. God truly blessed me with a man like you, a man with patience and understanding, you are a rare breed I tell you.

I continued to let my tears flow harder as I remember the day you walked out the house to go to work as you normally did. You gave me a kiss goodbye then made your departure, little did I know you won't be coming back home. I remember the call that shuttered my heart, soul and spirit telling me that you've been in a terrible accident which involves a truck.

I remember walking through the doors of Wesley Woods Hospital and seeing your mom screaming at the top of her lungs, at that very moment I knew August that you had left me. It was all in the atmosphere, it lingered in the air I was surrounded with that YOU my husband have left me YOUR wife.

I remember going to the funeral home to prepare you, man did I have to be strong. I remember dressing you in your all black outfit that you so very much cherished which was your black True Religion jeans, a black button down shirt and those hideous black and white converses that you loved so much, God knows I hated them caused they've never got washed since the day they were bought, you'd think they'd stink but no they didn't.
I remember tying your hair into that man bun u bragged about lol. It was difficult but with mama's help I did it.

15th May 2015 was the day I laid you to rest. I remember people on the podium talking of how great of a man you were, and yes they didn't lie but they forgot to talk about how crazy you were too. I tried to speak too my love but all that I called utter was your name and the tears flew down my face, so I stopped.

I remember seeing your casket being lowered to the ground and being asked to throw in my rose... I don't remember anything after cause everything went black. Next thing I know I wake up with machines around me, an IV in my arm and a breathing mask. I remember my son yelling at me to not scare him like that with tears on his eyes. My poor baby he was so hurt you could see it in his eyes. I was too.

You see baby, you left me so unexpectedly. You were taken from me so early. That's why you stay in the core of my thoughts day in and day out. I don't blame God for taking you from me cause every night I always say "Let your will be done on earth as is in Heaven", so why question his will? I may not know why he took you but he does.

I miss you my love, with every bit of energy in my body I miss you. I guess Forever really don't last huh?

Till we meet again my Alsina, I love you.

Love
Deonnah... Your wife.

FIN!!!

Excuse the mistakes..

Please vote and comment.

I luh yall too heaven and back.