When I found you (Niall Horan fanfic)

Chapter 60 "Sharp Games"

4th May 2013.

I don’t know how I feel but this is a weird feeling. We’re in our European tour and we’ve been on the “road" for a week now, with Theresa and Chloe with us.

It’s just… it’s not that I’m not comfortable with myself nor around everybody but there’s something inside me that it’s saying me something’s wrong. Don’t ask me what it is because I have no answer for that.

It’s hard to explain because I don’t even know what this feeling exactly is, but yeah, I’ll try to explain. I don’t know if people has ever felt like they belong to nowhere? Like, they’re here on earth but at the same time they’re not? Or maybe when they’re with people and you think you know them but inside yourself it feels like they’re strangers? This is soooo weird, but I’ve been experimenting this my whole life.

I’m trying my best to get along with Chloe, but it’s just I can’t. How do they want me to be ok with her after all that happened? I’m not resentful nor selfish but there’s something about me that when you don’t like someone in particular, it’s just you can’t get on well with that person, because I’m like a dog, yeah weird, right? I “smell" danger or know who’s truthful and loyal and don’t pretend to be anyone else just to fit in. I’ve always thought that is the most pathetic and desperate thing to do. It never fit with my principles. Maybe that’s why I’ve been kicked so many times for that, but society sucks. And that made me the person that I am now, and I don’t regret a single part of me. Because I am who I am, I love who I am and if you don’t like, it’s ok. Just you go in your way and I’ll go in my own. There’s nothing bad in that. 

What I’m trying to say with this is that I’m not gonna pretend I like her. There’s something about they way she looks or talks to me that I don’t like. I know she likes Niall. I noticed it since day one. Maybe that was the reason I don’t like her now but yeah… who knows? and I’m not gonna change that.

Tour bus life it’s a little bit complicated for Niall and me. Management wanted us to be in different buses. One for the girls and another one for the boys because they didn’t want any contact. Like if we’ve never done anything before! We’re all grown up! Anyways, the buses are really great, the boys’ bus is black and red and ours is blue and white. Usually when management is not looking, Paul help the boys sneaking out of their bus to come to our bus or vice versa. Specially Harry and Niall to be with Theresa and me, although our beds aren’t that big, but I don’t mind at all haha. 

We have a concert today in Germany. We arrived super early to the arena to soundcheck and everything. While the boys and I were rehearsing, Theresa and Chloe were shopping or cooking something for us… just whatever they wanted. I can’t with this boys seriously. Our rehearsal are just so random! One minute you can see Harry with a tutu and the other one they’re kicking each other, pretending they’re fighting. When it’s my turn to rehears, they are standing right in front of me, doing funny faces trying to make me laugh. I think a 7 years old kid will be maturer than these 5 babies. 

Germany was incredible! Wow, the crowd was amazing! I’m starting to feel more secure about myself on stage, more confident, thanks to the guys who gave me very useful advices. Like we had nothing to do after the concert, we beg Paul to let the girls go to their tour bus. After lots of hugs and kisses, he let us in and decided to do play truth or dare. We sat around the sofas and it was…

"Ok, Zayn, truth or dare?"

"Dare man!" he answered to Louis

"Ok, like you’re a very good drawer I dare you to draw a penis on Josh face" said Louis rising his eyebrows. Josh was in his bed sleeping when Zayn grabbed a market and draw carefully but successfully a penis in his face. All the boys were laughing but we couldn’t laugh very loud because otherwise, Josh would wake up and we didn’t want that.