When I found you (Niall Horan fanfic)

Chapter 65 "Not in the mood"

11th May 2013

It’s hard to think that everybody sees you like a complete idiot when in reality you’ve done nothing. It’s hard to not wake up in the morning and be called from the most insignificant thing to the most horrendous thing in the world, some words you’ve never imagined you would be called in your life. It’s hard to breath the same air as your friends, or should I say now ex-friends somehow? You have no idea how hard it is to be apart from them when they’re having fun. But you know what the hardest thing is? To be vulnerable. To know that you’re not guilty, you’ve done nothing, and you can’t do anything about it. 

This has lead us (Niall and I) to lots and lots arguments these past days. I couldn’t tell him the truth. He kept asking me over and over again why I did what I did.  Why I blamed myself for everything when in reality he knew I did nothing. 

"Niall, just drop it ok? I don’t wanna talk about it"

"[Y/N], you’re going crazy, really? What the fuck is going through your mind? You know how bad this is for you, right? You’ve fought so much to be here where you are. This is your dream! You want to throw everything away and just forget what you have achieved?" I just couldn’t tell him the truth. My eyes couldn’t face his either. I was with my semblance in blank. Not moving, totally petrified. He was waiting for an answer. He was waiting for some reasonable explications. But I just couldn’t tell him. I just couldn’t say “I’m doing this to protect you". So I said nothing. 

"[Y/N], please, answer me" he said grabbing my arm softly but just in the right place where I still had the bruises Chloe left me. 

"Ouch!" I said involuntary. 

"What is it princess?" he said scared lifting the sleeve of my shirt up.

"Nothing, I bumped into something some days ago. It’s fine" I said smiling at him trying to sound convinced. 

That was one of the too many conversations we’ve had so far. To be honest, I’m getting tired of it, and it seems Niall wasn’t, because he kept repeating lots of times about it, but my mouth didn’t say a single word. 

The number of followers in Twitter has dropped down a lot, it was understandable, but it was just something I couldn’t control. 

Today we had a concert in Germany. I was getting used to the awful things people say me, rumors about me that weren’t true, it was a tough moment, I couldn’t deny it, so I had to struggle everyday, because do you know how hard it is to be in front of so many people after what happened? Plus, now companies of drama were sure that they didn’t want to work with me, as I was a bad influence for the public. To sum up, my future was all ruined, and all thanks to Chloe. 

When we finished the concert the boys and the girls were going clubbing. I was in the dressing room changing into comfy clothes before heading to the hotel when someone knocked the door.

"Babe, can I come in?"

"It’s open!" Niall walked in the changing room and looked at me “What are you doing?"

"What am I doing?" I asked confused.

"Why aren’t you all dressed up? We’re going!" he said frowning his eyebrows.

"I’m not going Niall. I’m not their friends anymore, remember?"

"The boys are still your friends [Y/N], and I want you to be there with me"

"I’m not in the mood for that"

"And when are you?" I kept silence and looked at him. That hurt me a lot but he kept going. “I’m tired of trying to cheer you up when you’re doing things that difficult! I still don’t know why the fuck you said it was your fault when you didn’t do it. I… I just don’t know who are you anymore. I’m sorry but I needed to tell you. I’m not mad at you but where’s that girl I fell in love with, with that beautiful smile that made me smile whenever I see it?"