Beat Down ➵ au h.s

Chapter 62

[trigger warning]

"Explore our inner secrets, for what it is, it's what it is." - Zayn Malik

Brianna sat me down near Zayn as she wiped away her tears, my heart ached, was something wrong with the baby?

"Christina," Zayn began, my gaze shifted to him as he rubbed a hand over his face, "please talk to Harry." I felt myself wanting to get up and run, but with the way they were acting I could tell there was something they weren't telling me, something important.

"What's going on?" Zayn only shook his head before sighing, "it's not my place to tell you. Just please talk to him, I'll drive you. All I need you to do is let him explain. He's not acting right, every night he gets drunk or high, he doesn't eat right and Christina, there's so much you don't understand." Guilt dawned on me, I hadn't been okay without Harry either, I had cried myself to sleep for the past week and a half, my heart constantly ached for him and his touch so I nodded.

Zayn had led me to his car whilst Brianna decided that she wanted to go home because she was feeling tired.

I sighed after I saw Harry's house, or rather our house, come into view. I had texted Andre that I was out somewhere so that he wouldn't worry over anything.

"Alright, call me if you need a ride back, but I'm not going in there and I'm not waiting out here. I don't like seeing one of my best mates like this." I nodded in understanding before shakily getting out of the car. I waved to Zayn before going into my purse for the key to the front door.

Once inside I cringed at the smell, it reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, but from what Zayn explained to me I wasn't surprised.

Having heard the door close I could hear Harry's muffled voice shout out, "Louis go away, I'm fucking fine!" I walked upstairs where I heard his voice.

"H?" I asked hesitantly, my voice shaky as my fingers gripped the door knob. Immediately his head snapped to where I was standing. His eyes were bloodshot and he had tear stains on his cheeks, it made my heart crack, Harry never cried for anything.

"Chrissy?" He questioned, almost not believing I was standing here, he stood up and began to approach me, I almost wanted to back away but I allowed him to walk up to me. He reached his hand out to touch my cheek, to which I also allowed.

I broke after that, tears rolling down my cheek as all the hurt began to rush over me, "n-no I-I can't, can't do this." I went to walk away but he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into his chest, muttering no's into my hair. I tried to wiggle out of his grip but all he did was tightened his grip on me.

"Please just let me explain, please and then you can leave if you want to. Chrissy, please don't leave me." I sighed closing my eyes before nodding.

After holding me for a few more minutes Harry led me downstairs to the couch, I kept my distance with him. I didn't think he could have a good explanation for any of this but I wanted to see what he had to say.

A sigh left his mouth before he began, "you had been on the phone with Brianna when I went to work, I had to come back to get my phone, I was terrified of leaving you alone so I went to check up on you one last time before actually heading off but you were talking about me," he paused rubbing a hand over his face, "I didn't think you would say anything horrible about me but something slipped out of your mouth."

I waited for him to continue, I don't remember saying anything about him. I don't think I even had anything negative to discuss about him, nor would I behind his back.

"You had told her you loved me, and fuck Chrissy, it terrified me. I've never loved anyone, I've grown up learning the opposite of love, I didn't want you to have someone who couldn't give you back what you wanted, but I didn't want to let you go at the same time. I wanted to get my mind off of things, I went out for a few drinks," tears began to roll down his cheeks again as he locked eyes with mine, "a few turned into a lot. I wanted to make the pain going away of not being enough for you and Ashlyn was there. I swear all I did kiss her, but she still wasn't you. As soon as I realized what I had done I stopped."

It took me a few minutes to let it all sink in, I didn't know what to think of the situation. I didn't know wether to forgive him or not, my body ached for him.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was, he didn't have sex with her but it still hurt that he could have.

Apparently Harry wasn't finished talking "But in the time I spent away from you I realized that I do love you, my fear overpowered it, it fogged up my mind and blurred my vision, it momentarily made me blind."

I didn't let my mind control me as my heart took control, causing me to slam my lips against Harry's. All thoughts out the window.

When I pulled away Harry went to push a piece of hair behind my ear, I froze. My smile fell as I gently grabbed his hand and turned it so that I could see his wrist.

Sadness overcame me as I gently traced my fingers over the skin there. My eyesight was once again blurred as I chocked back a sob.

"Why?"