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"we were meant to happen but that doesn't mean we were meant to be" jeongguk choked in voicing out those painful words as his trembling hands reached out to touch mines, his hazel orbs became glossy as a broken sob escaped on his quivering lips.
why was he into the character, so much?
"i—j—jongsuk" i found my voice leave my mouth as it came out frail and regretful. we were in the middle of the play and it was the final act between the second main lead and main character. the play was supposed to end in the scene of bittersweet love— unrequited adoration, of a boy to his childhood sweetheart, remaining unreturned.
"it hurts that even how much i love you . . i have to let you go" at the mention of those words, our eyes met. an unidentified gleam seemed to fill his brown orbs through our shared gaze, the boy was acting way too much. jeongguk was showing so much emotion even if we were just acting our roles in the play, his acting was way too real and its making me feel scared.
"i want you so bad haeun, but . . . i am not the one for you and never would be. a—" what is he speaking about, this is no longer in the script. "as much as i want to make you my queen and spend forever with you . . . i can't" the boy whispered and it just hit a nerve inside me.
what's happening?
why, why are you suddenly saying these things to me, you aren't going to leave me . . right? what you just said right now wasn't in the script anymore, jeongguk. why are you doing this? why are you saying these things to me?
eyes widening as memories of his past actions flashed inside my mind—his sudden outbreak, over protectiveness and finding him cry out of the blue. i felt something inside me hint of the impending heart break . . . but, it's impossible right? you promised, we promised forever.
we promised to make our own family, together and the ring on my finger is the proof of that promise.
"don't cry, love" love, i didn't know if those words was meant for me or for the character i play in this performance but . . . the way his eyes looked at me, i couldn't decipher his actions anymore.
please, don't. it's for the play, right?
right?
lips forming into a painful smile, his hands ascended to touch my cheeks – i didn't realize that i was already shedding tears as i felt his warm ones wipe the corner of my eyes, this wasn't supposed to be in the script anymore.
the play should have ended with a simple goodbye and confession but . . . but, i don't know what's happening anymore.
"i wish you, happiness" at the mention of those words, his face leaned closer before his lips touched my forehead, leaving a chaste kiss. why, why does this feel like you're saying goodbye jeongguk?
the red curtains fell indicating that the play already ended and soon enough, loud cheers from the audience were heard. everyone around us were in delight as the play ended successfully but there we stood, frozen and stoic as our eyes were still in tight contact – i didn't know why i suddenly felt afraid. i was afraid that the moment i tore my gaze away from him, he would slip away. he would vanish, forever.
"j—jeongguk—" wanting to break the tension between us, my voice barely even made a full sentence as i suddenly found myself in the arms of professor seokjin. professor seokjin engulfed me in a tight hug and my skin lost contact to jeongguk's warm body.
"s—sir—" wanting to complain, i was yet again cut when the man started blabbering against our embrace.
"waaaah! that was so beautiful, you were so natural bub! i loved the ending, the play was a success and i'm so happy!" letting him speak for a while, i let my eyes trail everywhere as jeongguk was no longer around. my eyes skimmed all over to whatever my eyes could see, but he was out of my sight now.
no, where is he?
pulling away and not minding the sudden outburst from professor seokjin, i found myself aimlessly searching for a brown haired, doe-eyed and bunny-smile boy. i know that i might be just exaggerating things and it must be because of paranoia but . . . i felt afraid, i felt afraid that he was really going to leave me like what he said on the play.
eyes searching everywhere, lips asking everyone i meet and feet sore, i found myself outside the theatre room. i was losing hope of finding the boy . . . i knew that we could just meet at home but, i just . . . i just wanted to see him so bad and let myself melt in his warm arms. i just wanted him to say "everything's alright, love"
i wanted him close as it felt like the sands of time were already ticking and i was bound to meet an inescapable end.
almost losing hope, my heart was filed with relief when i finally saw that familiar figure as his back faced me. lips tugging into a warm smile, my heart suddenly felt like shattering at the sight that soon unfold. legs stopping and breath suddenly holding in, i heard my heart slowly and painfully shattering.
jeongguk's eyes were laced with another girl as he slowly walked and embraced the petite figure. feeling my eyes filling with hot and hungry tears – what caught me red-handed was the fact that the woman she embraced was my sister. i didn't know what is the right thing to think off, but, the way their bodies touched and fit against each other screamed betrayal.
"j—jeongguk?" i found my voice coming out, broken and weak.
seeing him flinch and pull away to eunha, his body soon faced my direction. our eyes met and the glint that i used to see in his eyes was no longer present. the shimmer that used to speak that i was what he only needed, vanished.
his eyes looked at me dull with emotion.
jeongguk, you used to look at me with eyes that glitter as of the stars. you were so warm, caring and you never failed to make me feel loved as you always never fail to make my heart giddy and i loved it. was everything just a lie? the smile, the kiss and the way your eyes twinkle with so much passion whenever our eyes meet—was it all just a lie?
"jeon—"
"i didn't love you"
four words. four words were enough to shatter my heart.
"i—" dumbfounded, i felt like choking on air, seeing the way you broke it to me felt like a dream. your eyes, face and body language says otherwise with what your mouth has just spoken.
"i didn't love you, so fuck off!" confusion and distraught filled my tiny heart as i couldn't understand why you were spouting nonsense –i saw how you tried your best to hide the reddening of your eyes and the breaking of your voice. why? why are you doing this to me? to us?
