Intimacy

Part 50

《Songs

All I ever need ~ Austin Mahone
If I lose myself ~ One Republic
All too well ~ Taylor Swift
Your Guardian Angel ~ The Jumpsuit Apparatus 》

Here I am sitting inside this car wearing all black clothes for my best friend's funeral.

My heart is sinking, my tears won't stop since last night. I bet my eyes are puffy and red now.

I watched all of the people walked out from the cars.

Of course, they're attending the funeral.

Out of all days, it had to rain today. At a time like this. I mean why can't it rain some other days.

Why does it have to be today and why does Joel have to leave us forever?

I walked out from our car with me holding his picture as I walk in front of his coffin.

His family is here, they're all shed their tears because of their loss. It's all my fault. I blame myself...

Joel died because of me.

"Losing my best friend is really hard, Joel has been a part of my life ever since we were little. We fight sometimes but at the end we are still friends. I..." I started sobbing again then I wiped my tears.

"I love him so much but I guess it's time for us to let him rest, I know that he's in a better place now but there won't be a day that I won't stop thinking about him, our memories will still be alive, he will be in our hearts forever..."I took a deep breath then I sit next to my mother.

I'm pretty sure Christopher, Richard, Zabdiel and Erick are here but I can't look at them. I just can't after all of this happened? How could I?

I don't even know who to blame.

Perhaps I blame myself for being stupid. Maybe I blame the bearded middle aged man because he killed Joel but who should be the one to blame for why this happened.

I sighed and my mother rubbed my shoulder to comfort me.

"Mrs Pimentel I'm really sorry for your loss." I said and she tried to smile but I can see the pain behind those eyes.

She hugged me one last time, didn't say a word.

When I turn around, I saw Chris standing at the entrance of Church with his head down.

I approached him, "Hey." I said.

He look at me with such sad eyes, I know he didn't mean to let all of this happened. He's a friend of Joel of course he's sad.

His face are bruised, his knuckles are wrapped by a bandage. He walk up to me a little and I can see him struggling because of his injured legs.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Pretending to be okay." I said.

My feelings for this boy still remains, I still love him so much. I was feeling so sad and hopeless just now but when I see him.

I start to smile a little bit I guess.

"I know you're mad at me." He said.

And I got confused, "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because Joel would still be alive if I didn't send him a text that day." He said.

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed, "I know I was going to that place because I did that to protect you. They were going to hurt you and I know that they will still hurt you even if I go so I sent Joel a text to let him know the location."