Intimacy

Part 68

It's almost nine in the evening and here we are at Joel's graveyard. I literally didn't ask for this.

We could visit some other day like in daylight where the sun is still out but Chris went all emotional and decided to visit at night.

Me and him stood in front of Joel's graveyard.

Joel Pimentel 1999 - 2019 written on it and there are dried flowers placed on the grave.

"Tell me that you have no one after you anymore." I blurted out and Chris looked at me with blank expression.

He shook his head, "We all have enemies, Val." He said and somehow that made me worried.

"No not again.."

He pulled me closer and I avoided to look at him in the eye, "We're safe now, I promise." He said just to make me feel secure around his arms.

"I just wanna feel safe around you Chris, it's funny that I feel like I know you all too well but there's something about you I haven't find out yet." I said.

I blame my gut and my anxiety for feeling this way.

His brows furrowed with confusion, I backed away from him and I hate this feeling.

I thought I get rid of it already, this is why I avoided Chris after Joel passed away right?

This is the reason why I left New Jersey but I came back and return into his arms again after all.

What is this? What am I doing? I thought I made up my mind that I will leave Chris and New Jersey for good but here I am.

My head hurts and I stumbled on the cold, hard grass. Chris instantly grab my arms and helped me to stand up.

I stare into his eyes, those innocent eyes. I keep saying it wasn't his fault, yes he didn't kill Joel but he was one of the reason why Joel died.

I fall in love with him and I cannot deny that because if I don't I won't return and throw myself at him over and over again.

"Chris, take me out of here." My hands were trembling. I feel like I was suffocating, everything bad happened that night replayed in my head.

"Chris I have to get out of here!" I shouted and he pulled me to his car and drove off.

Panic, he gave me a bottle water and I drank it immediately.

"Look babe, I'm sorry I took you there. I didn't know that you will get traumatized..I'm sorry I didn't mean that." He said.

I covered my face with my hands then took a deep breath, I was having a  panic attack. I thought I moved on from everything.

"Just take me home." I sighed.

When we arrived at my place, I ran out of his car but he ran after me.

He grab my wrist and I hissed because he's fast and strong.

"Let me go." I warned.

"I'm sorry babe please we were having a good time. If I only knew that you're gonna react like this.. I would never-"

I cut him off, "Shut up.. I'm sorry. I just need some time alone for now. Go home Chris." I sighed.

He let go of my wrist and I opened the door to my apartment then shut it with him still standing infront of my apartment.

I slide down the door and cried on the floor like a fool that I am.

....

Morning came and I realized I was sleeping on the cold floor the whole night.

My head hurts and my heart is still beating rapidly.

Quickly I grab a bottle of water and my anxiety pill then drank it in one gulp.

I sighed and tied my hair into a ponytail then I cleaned myself in the shower.

The anxiety pills that I have been indulging really helps me to calm down.

I walked out from the shower, get dressed then I made myself a hot tea.

My flight will be tomorrow afternoon and I'm going to leave all the past behind again.

Suddenly, my phone rang and the caller ID is Chris.

I answered it and the first thing I heard is him sighing in relief.

"Babe I was so worried about last night. Are you okay now?" He asked.

I took a sip of my hot tea and smiled a little, "I'm sorry too..I thought I was getting better.. I have been seeing my therapist. Don't worry about me." I said.

"Aight..can I come over?" He asked.

"Yes."

I threw my phone on the couch and took a deep heavy sigh, I don't know what I am feeling at the moment.

Everything bothers me, I was recovering but then last night hit me again.

No I'm not gonna ruin my life for the second time.

....

Me and Chris were eating snacks while watching this movie named To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

He thought it was cliché and I thought it was romantic. I was about to put a chip in my mouth but then he ate it right away.

I was pissed and I hit his arm.

"Don't go." He said and I looked at him with my brows raised.

"Pardon?"

He hugged me closer then rested his head on my chest, "Don't go to Malaysia. Stay here with me." He said.

I giggled, "I can't. I have my future to worry about which is chasing my degree."

He pouted, "Well then.."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I twirled his hair using my fingers, he look so soft and fragile like this. He's beautiful and he sure does own my heart.

"Do you think we can do this long distance thingy?" I asked.

He touched my cheek and smiled, "I swear to God, I fucking love you." He said and I grinned.

He sit up straight and started to tickle me. I laughed while trying to make him stop tickling me but he won't stop.

"Stop Chris stop." I chuckled.

Running out of breath, I slapped his arm. "I hate you."

He pulled me closer, "I love you."

Everything is sparkling and I prefer this more than us having sex or making out.

When he said the three words, I feel so happy already. It's just how simple it is.

I am head over heels for this guy.

I kissed his cheek and say, "Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere." I said and it was actually from a song but I meant it.

I love him and it will be forever.

And hell I don't want to leave New Jersey but I have to, it's better off this way.

I need to focus on my studies. We will still be together and it won't hurt to be worlds away from each other.

We will see each other again.

I promise.