i woke up alone, in my own bed. the same way i had for the past 3 days. i've been having a rough week to put it lightly.
on the 15th, colby and i went to lunch and did some christmas shopping for about three hours. then on the 16th, we went for brunch and barely talked the rest of the day. that brings me to yesterday when i didn't see him at all. that was the first day that i hadn't hung out with him since we met.
today, it's already 2pm and i haven't talked to him. i had no intent on talking to him or anyone else today.
nothing is wrong in colby and i's relationship. i've just been feeling really insecure recently. yesterday i didn't leave my house at all and today i don't plan on leaving my bed.
by 6pm, i had done nothing but lay in my bed. i didn't have a vlog to post for vlogmas as i haven't moved since i woke up so i decided to put on some concealer and a t shirt so i could film a quick video.
i went on my phone for the very first time today. i saw that my phone was flooded with texts. most of them from colby.
i turned my read receipts off in my settings before opening them. all of his texts asked if i was okay, where i was, him telling me he was worried. i swiped off of the messages, not answering.
i filmed an intro to the video, explaining that this was vlog footage from a haunted hotel that my friends and i stayed in but i never uploaded.
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i took a photo of myself and got even more insecure and then started crying. i eventually took another one where it was evident that i was crying. this is real life. this is how i feel for real. i'm being real. i said fuck it and posted it on my snap story. automatically receiving more texts asking if i was okay. i shut my phone completely off, putting back on the oversized hoodie and taking my makeup off.
i laid down in bed, still upset. i just stared at the wall for a bit before i heard knocking at the door. alexis was visiting her family in ohio so i knew she wasn't home. if i don't make noise than they won't know i'm here and they'll leave.
eventually they stopped knocking only to begin talking. it was colby.
"adelaide open the door i know you're here. i checked life 360 and i know your home so just come let me in." he paused, waiting for me to let him in. when he didn't get what he wanted, he began talking again. "adelaide please. i just want to help you."
i didn't hear anything for a few minutes until i heard the door click and unlock. great he has a key from letting my dogs out.
i knew he'd be in my room in seconds. i was correct as he entered my bedroom, running over to my bed.
"baby what's wrong?" he asked
that was enough for me to break down. i started crying as he tried to comfort me.
he continued to ask me what was wrong until i finally was able to answer.
"i- i'm not as pretty as the other girls colby. my younger sister is prettier than me, my friends are all prettier than me, your ex girlfriend is prettier than me colby. i just can't do it." i said, breaking down again towards the end of my statement.
"addi baby i can't believe you think that. you're the most stunning person i've ever met. inside and out. elena isn't prettier than you, your friends aren't prettier than you, isabella isn't prettier than you. granted you're all beautiful in different ways, i'd never choose any of them over you. i think that you're perfect. we go out in public and all the guys stare at you and all of the girls watch you in jealousy. do you know how many girls look up to you and think 'hey i wanna look like her' and want to basically be you? because it's a lot of girls."
"colby, i don't have nice boobs like them and i don't have a big butt. i don't have big lips and sharp jawlines. my hair isn't perfect and my thighs are too big. my teeth aren't white enough and my clothes don't fit right. i just want to be perfect." i said as tears continued to roll down my face.
"ad, you're so perfect. i can't even begin to describe it." he said kissing my lips.
"these are perfect." he said kissing me again.
"your hair is perfect." he said running his hand through my hair.
"your smile could light up an entire room." he said, using his hands to make me smile.
"your skin is perfect." he said kissing all around my face
"your boobs are perfect." he said grabbing my boobs, making me giggle. he smiled back at me.
"your stomach is perfect." he said kissing his way down.
"your ass is perfect." he said squeezing it lightly.
"your thighs are perfect." he said kissing my inner thighs before coming back up to my face.
"you're so perfect adelaide rose. you're insane for not seeing it." he said, making me smile.
"thank you baby. i love you." i said hugging him.
"i love you more." he said pulling me into his embrace.
colby stood up, pulling me with him. he reached for the hem of my hoodie, me denying him because i still didn't feel great.
"cmon ad." he said finally managing to pull it off of me.
i felt terrible when he did this. he walked me over in front of my mirror.
"baby, look at you. so many young girls look up to you and want to be like you. you look amazing. i'm sorry you don't see that right now but it's so important that you hear it because it's true." he said smiling, observing my body that was only covered in a pair of calvin klein bikini styles underwear.
i kissed colby, him picking me up and walking me over to the edge of the bed. he dropped me back onto it, hovering over me.
we continued to make out, progressively taking off his clothes as well. soon enough we were both in our underwear.
we went from there, colby complimenting me the entire time. i woke up, hours later, wearing nothing. i got up, putting a fresh pair of black lace underwear on and a black lace bra.
i went out into the kitchen and started making colby and i grilled chicken salad. super random but i was in the mood for it.
soon colby appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.
"if only i could wake up to this every morning." he said smirking as he walked in, wrapping his arms around my half naked body. he was only in a pair of calvin boxers.
"you don't know what you do to me babygirl." he said, grabbing my butt as he kissed my cheek, walking back into my room.
he came back out with his white shirt he wore today. "put this on so i don't have to take you back into your bedroom before dinner." he said
i giggled at him, throwing the nearly see through white shirt over my body. you could evidently could see my undergarments. it went down to about mid thigh on me.
colby and i layed on the couch together, eating our food and watching the office.
