xplr ; colby brock

knocking on your heart

adelaides point of view

july 28th

it's been a week without contact with colby. it's been like hell but i'm doing fine. i spent the past 2 days in the studio. i only have the balls to upload one of the songs seeing as most of them are too personal to my current situation.

today is my aunts funeral. i know today is a day that i will cry, however, i've been trying to refrain as that would not be what my aunt wanted. i was dressed in a baby blue dress, my aunts favorite color. i had on very minimal makeup because i didn't want to have it running down my face all day.

i was standing in the small line of people before the casket. i had people constantly come up to me, give me a hug and their pitty on my loss that didn't affect them nearly as much. i simply said thank you and hugged them back. maci, nick and ashton were all standing in the line as well. i was the only one who wasn't her child, although people didn't understand that. i basically lived at her house growing up and she would introduce me as her own.

"these are my sons, ashton and nick. and these are my girls, maci and addi."

half of the people here i thought i was her daughter. they didn't know her as well as i did. which is very sad for them because they were really missing out.

eventually it was time for the speeches. i had my small paper in my hands that i had written down my key points to touch on.

"and now adelaide nolan is going to come up and say a few words." the priest said.

i got out of my seat and adjusted my dress. i walked up to the podium, clearing my throat.

"hi everybody. thank you for joining the service today for Lillian. i'm sure she would have loved to see you all. i'm adelaide nolan. many of you know me as one of "lily's girls." lillian was not my mother, however the way she treated me, you would have never known the difference. my aunt lillian would absolutely spoil me. we would have girls days together and she would always take me shopping and out for fancy dinners. as most of you know, i have very busy parents so i basically lived with my aunt." i paused as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"i really want to thank her for giving me the perspective i have on family. she would put anyone above herself. she made sure everyone else was happy before herself. she was so patient and kind. i've never met anyone quite like her. to see her go, especially at such a young age, has been one of the toughest pills i've ever had to swallow. i'll never forgot the time that i texted her and i said "i think i just failed my english test. i wish i could just go stay in italy and forget about school." and that night when i went over to her house, she told me to pack my bags because in the morning we were flying to italy. italy was our place. from a young age, italy was my favorite place as it was my aunts as well. she would take me there as much as possible. before she passed, we had been planning to go on a trip their soon. that sadly never got to happened..."

i continued on with my speech for another couple minutes before ending it. i was asked, by my aunt personally, to sing as she was being lowered into the ground so i was preparing myself for that.

later that night

i was only in maryland for the day to go to the funeral so i'm on my way back to LA.  i was slowly getting my life back together. elena and the baby are fine now, however everyone was very worried. elena was put on bed rest until she has the baby so we're just waiting out the next 3 months i guess.

im releasing a new song tomorrow. it's called knocking on your heart. it's a song that's really personal to what's going on right now but it also won't allow the fans to know that colby and i aren't together.

i decided to tweet out "KOYH comes out tomorrow 🥰🥺"

all of the reply's were people guessing what the song was called. (it's actually by maggie and it's really good aha go look up the lyrics if you wanna read how it resembles their situation)

the song was dropping at 11am california time so people were getting ready. i had tweeted out the date the day the song was finalized.

i wasn't having a listening party for knocking on your heart but it'll be a good release.

the next day

"Knocking on your heart is out now!! go download and stream it!" i tweeted. so far, the song has been doing really well. there aren't any music videos for it but maybe in the future there will be.

maybe this breakup won't be so bad