In My Life (John Lennon fanfic)

Chapter 41.

Waiting for John was nerve wracking. It was six thirty in the evening as I cleaned up the place. Folding laundry, cleaning windows, putting toys away. I took a quick shower and put on a loose shirt with some jean shorts. I ignored shoes and just walked around barefoot as Maxwell sat on the sofa like a good little boy.

I decided on spaghetti. I poured the noodles into a pot of water and set it to boil. I grabbed the jar of sauce, struggling to open it. Luckily, the knock on the door saved me the effort. Opening the door, I handed him the jar.

"Open this."

He took it and blinked. "Well, I was thinkin maybe a hello would be nice but, this will do I suppose."

I made a face as he followed me into the kitchen. He handed me the open jar and watched me pour it into another pot. I set the heat on and let things simmer. I turned to him.

"Hello Lennon."

"Why do you call me that?"

"What?"

"Lennon."

I shrugged. "I thought I always called you that."

"No you...." He paused and shrugged out of his coat. "You used to."

"Look John, I know I've been a bit more defensive lately. I just have to you know? I mean..."

"For Max. I know." He nodded. I sighed and leaned up, kissing his cheek.

"Thank you for being here." I gave him a small smile. He blushed and nodded.

"No problem love. Now um, can I help with anything?"

I turned around and handed him a tomato and some greens. "You can be in charge of salad."

..

I hummed as I set the table, little Maxwell giggling as I leaned over, kissing his cheek over and over again. John came over and handed me a plate, setting Max's food in front of him.

"Thank you." I smiled, taking a seat. He sat next to me and grabbed a fork. I let my food cool down and took a drink of my wine.

"So um, how far along were you?" He asked, not bothering to see my reaction.

"I was a month and a half. I struggled with the idea of having the abortion that...I considered having the baby out of pity. I couldn't do that." I twirled the spaghetti on my fork. "Why do you ask?"

He shrugged and wiped his mouth. "Just trying to make conversation I suppose."

I nodded and began eating. Minutes of silence was really starting to build up the tension between us. I wiped Max's mouth as he wiggled in his seat. I excused him, letting him run to the tv.

I poured myself another glass of wine, and took a long drink. "I um, hope this isn't inapropriate to ask but...how are things with you and your wife?"

He looked at me and played with his fork. "Good. Things are fine."

"Just fine." I said sitting back in my seat.

"What do you want me to say Lucy? Its incredible? The sex is great? I'm not gonna bloody sugar coat it to make a point. Seeing as your all alone and..." he stopped mid sentence and shook his head. "Never mind."

I bit my lip and rested my feet on the chair, hugging my knees to my chest. "Its okay. Not saying it just makes things worse. But I'm not alone John. I have Max. I go out and take care of things that need to be done. I visit Andrew every afternoon."

"I'm sorry I..."

"I'm not alone." I looked into his eyes. He nodded and looked down at his glass. Chuckling to himself he spoke.

"I always seem to say the wrong things don't I?"

I shrugged and took another drink. "Maybe it's because that's all we have left to say to each other. What else do we have left to talk about? We see each other hardly. I'm a fuckin recluse. Your a married man. What's left between two people who were once close, that aren't anymore you know?"

He pulled out a pack cigarettes, handing me one. I took it and held it between my lips as he lit it for me. I inhaled, enjoying the smooth nicotine fill my lungs.

"Why do you eat spaghetti all the time?" He asked. I looked at him strangely and looked down at my empty plate.

"I like spaghetti. Pasta. Your award winning salad." I teased. He smiled and took a drag of his own fag.

"Look, I'm tired of bullshittin around. I just want you to known I plan on taking care of ye. I don't care if that's not what you want. Your off the deep end love. Drinking and spending most of your days alone in your room."

"I do not drink that much John. And I certainly don't..."

"Don't give me that. Lets not forget the fact I was once a huge part of your life. Years of observing, living and loving you. I know what you get on to when things go wrong."

"Don't act like you know me now. Alright? Cause you don't."

"I dont?" He raised his eyebrows. "All evening I've watched you slowly drink that entire bottle of wine. You look tired, you're angry, you just stopped caring. The only kind of emotion or happiness I see in you is when Maxwell is around."

"His happiness is all I need. I would like to think you'll be here for me. But you won't. So what am I supposed to do? Put a fake smile on my face and act like Andrew's death still isn't tearing me inside?? Because I can't do that John. I feel disgusted for having to need your help."

"Its okay to admit defeat Lucy. Everyone does it at one point."

"Well not me. I have to be strong and keep going for my little boy. How do you think it was for me when I was a little girl, seeing my mom put on a fake smile during the day, but hear her cry every night after my real father died? I can still hear her cries John. I don't want that for Maxwell."

I didn't even realise I was crying until I felt the cool air brush against my face. John watched me as I stood up and made my way to the bedroom. I shut the door and fell onto the bed, crying heavily. The sound of the door opening and his arms moving around me let me know he was still here. I sat up and hugged him tightly, sobbing as he whispered to me, it's gonna be alright.

He ended up staying the night. Just holding me in bed until I fell asleep in his arms. I had to admit, his company made me feel wanted again. Like there was indeed someone there for me. I wasn't alone in this world.

John let me sleep in. It wasn't until one in the afternoon when I awoke. Sitting up, I heard the faint sound of music coming from the living room. It wasn't a record. Or the radio. It was John. I rubbed my eyes and slowly walked down the hall, peeking around the corner to see him sitting on the floor with Max. A guitar in his lap.

".... I can hardly express, My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness, After all I'm forever in your debt, And woman I will try express, My inner feelings and thankfullness, For showing me the meaning of succsess, oooh well, well..."

He stopped when he saw me. Without a word, I walked over to him and sat on the floor. I recognized the words. The poem from before.

"Keep going." I whispered. He nodded and began playing again, this time, singing to me.

"Woman I know you understand, The little child inside the man, Please remember my life is in your hands, And woman hold me close to your heart, However, distant don't keep us apart, After all it is written in the stars,

oooh well, well,

oooh well, well...."

Before he could keep going, I leaned in and took his face into my hands. I shut my eyes, pressing my lips against his. He instantly kissed back, setting his guitar to the side and pulling me into his lap. Slowly, we fell back on the carpet, kissing passionatly as I hovered over him. He flipped us over and kissed me deeply, moving his tongue passed my lips, circling my own.

After a long five minutes, he pulled back slowly. Looking into my eyes. I couldnt help but to blush and stroke the side of his face. Without a word, he layed on top of me, resting his face in the curve of my neck. I wrapped my arms around him and played with his hair the rest of the afternoon.

.......