In My Life (John Lennon fanfic)

Chapter 53.

I walked down the small path and stopped, sitting on the cold grass and wiping the snow off the gravestone. I placed the white roses on top, rubbing my hands together to keep warm.

"I had a dream about you last night. It was more like a flashback to be honest. When we first met, remember? I came into the building late and you showed me my small cramped office. I was so shy. You were so...mean to me." I laughed. "You called me a ditz because I was still a beginner and I'd ask you for help all the time. I have to admit....you were the only person I took shit from. It was then I began having a crush on you. You were so stern...a man who knew what he wanted. You made me cry a few times and you didn't care. I learned from that."

I laid down and played with the yellow sun flower in my hand.

"Then one day you asked me to come to your office. I did. You told me one of my assignments was brilliant. I took that as a sign things between us were going to change. And it did. I could never take my eyes off you. You always wore jeans and a band shirt of some sort. Your hair was always a mess."

I smiled to myself. "We became partners. You put up with me and I put up with you. Anyway, back to my dream. Before I woke up I...I went from the office to being in a bathtub. The water was red. I sank in and...I opened my eyes to see you. You kept telling me to let go. That I was free.....what are you trying to tell me? Am I going crazy??"

I sat up and wiped my eyes. "I miss you. Julian misses you. He told me last week that...you were like the father he never had. Someone..normal. I want him to get along with John. They do but...I can still see the resentment in the way he looks at his father."

I looked up to see Maxwell running over to me and sit down.

"When will daddy answer back?" He asked. I sniffled and licked my lips.

"He listens. Daddy listens to you and me. To everyone. He loves you very much. Remember that alright?" I gave him a warm smile, kissing his chubby cheek. He smiled and stood up with me. I blew a kiss to Andrew's grave.

"Until next time my love. Merry Christmas." I whispered.

..

Christmas Eve

As the days passed, John's really been a sweetheart reminding me about how much fun Christmas could be. He came home one day with bags full of new decorations, a new tree and lots of food. I was completely overwhelmed. We spent our days with the boys, watching cartoons and making the apartment a Christmas wonderland.

It was on Christmas Eve when Maxwell and Sean were watching silly Christmas cartoon on tv while me and and John sat on the sofa, cuddling under a blanket. He played with my hair as I rested my head on his chest.

"I'm the luckiest man in the world."

I looked up at him and smiled. "Such a charmer babe."

"I mean it. I love you so much. Small moments like these make me see how perfect we are together."

I sat up and looked into his eyes. "I love you too John."

He intertwined his fingers with mine and brought me back down on his chest, holding me tight the rest of the afternoon.

..

Later that evening

I giggled uncontrollably as John spun me around the room to the music. My bare feet moving swiftly on the soft carpet as he watched me. I was a little dizzy by the time he stopped me, bringing me into a deep kiss.

We fell back on the bed, holding one another, laughing our heads off. He brushed the strands of hair off my face and smiled, watching me laugh.

"You're so beautiful ye know that?"

I blushed and finally came down from my laughter, tracing his lips with my index finger. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. I smiled and sat up, giving him a small kiss.

"It's getting late. I'm going to take a bath alright?"

He nodded and stood up. "I 'ave a few more presents to wrap. I'll put the boys to bed alright?"

I smiled. "Thanks babe."

..

It was eleven in the evening as I laid in the warm bubbly water. My muscles relaxing as I breathed steadily. I closed my eyes, listening to the faded sound of the tv in the living room. I slowly felt my body sinking into the water, tiredness taking me over.

..

"Lucy...Lucy wake up."

I opened my eyes, looking for the voice. Everything was a blur until my sight focused. I was still in the bath.

"Lucy look at me."

I blinked and gasped when I saw....Stuart?? I furrowed my eyebrows and just stared.

"Stu....what are you...??"

He was still so young. The way he looked when he left. Before he died.

"There's not much time. You have to let go to be free." He said in almost a whisper.

"I don't understand." I sat up more, rubbing my eyes. I was startled as the water turned red.

"What is this?? What are you??" I asked worriedly. He touched my arm. I flinched at the coldness. "Stuart you..."

"Don't be afraid. It's time...let go."

Before I could speak, he pushed me down in the water. I couldn't breath. My heart racing as I stuggled to reach up for air. I felt my lungs throbbing as I screamed out.

...

"Lucy!!"

I sat up, gasping for air, screaming as John pulled me into his arms. I held onto him, breathing hard.

"Shhh Lucy it's okay. It's alright I'm here." He whispered calmly. "I'm here."

I looked at the water to see it clear, the bubbles dispersed a bit. John held me against his body, not caring about getting wet.

"It happened again! He was there. It was real I...he touched me and...it was real!" I cried.

"Who?? Who was there??"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Stuart. It wasn't Andrew. It was Stuart."

John stroked my hair. "Shhhh come on. Let's get you out."

I nodded and was picked up out of the water. He dried me off and led me to the bedroom. I was still naked as he laid be in bed. He shrugged out of his wet shirt, letting it land on the floor. I sniffled and hurriedly moved into his arms as he laid in bed with me.

"You must think I'm crazy." I said shakily.

"No Lucy. I could never think such a thing. Shhhh. Come on. Tell me what it was about. Your dream."

I sniffled and closed my eyes. "It's always the same. I saw Stuart. He told me to let go. He told me to be free. Then...he pushed me into the water. He was holding me underwater I...I was so scared. I couldn't breathe." I cried.

"Shhh love. Don't cry. It was just a dream. You're here with me now alright?"

I nodded and held onto him tighter. "I love you."

"I love you too Lucy. With all my heart. I'll always be here." He kissed the top of my head and sat up. "I finished up. I'm going to turn off the telly and the lights alright? I'll be back."

I nodded and watched him stand up and head to the door. Then he paused.

"Ye said it was Stu you were dreaming of?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"He showed up in my dream last night too." He shrugged and left the room.

......