In My Life (John Lennon fanfic)

Chapter 60.

I set Max down and stormed into the bedroom, grabbing an empty suitcase and tossing clothes inside. I cried in between. Grabbing my purse and pulling the strap over my shoulder. Maxwell watching me the entire time. I completely forgot about him.

"Baby go in your room alright?" I wiped my eyes.

"Mommy I'm scared." He began crying. I set my things down and pulled him into my arms.

"There's nothing to be scared of baby. Mommy's here." I rubbed his back and kissed his cheek.

"Don't leave me mommy. Do go like daddy."

I felt my heart sink. I looked at his crying eyes and wiped the tears away with my thumb. "I'm not going anywhere okay? I love you so much. Remember that."

He nodded and held onto me.. I heard the front door open and shut.

"Lucy?? Are you here??"

Paul.

I stood up and set Max on the bed. He kicked his feet in the air and waited patiently.

"Were in here!" I called. Paul walked into the room calmly. He saw Maxwell and looked at me.

"Go watch some telly aye?" He asked. Max nodded and hugged Paul on his way out. Now it was just us two.

"Lucy. What are you..." he saw the suitcase. I sighed and tossed it on the floor.

"I don't know. I came here thinking I could just run away from him and the hurt but... Max saw me and...I realised that there are more important things at stake here." I sat down and looked at my hands.

"Lucy Lucy Lucy. Seeing you and John these past few weeks was unlike anything I've seen. You two seemed like different people. Always happy, no fighting, no more arguements. You both let your guard down. This morning when I saw you two the way you were.....I saw it all over again. Those two young lovers who used to fight in the back of the Cavern or up in a room above a nightclub. You two were always so difficult to handle and such fuckin morons. You both ran into someone else's arms. Into someone else's bed."

I nodded and looked up at him. "I love John. We've been through a lot togerher...I can't just throw it all away. I just don't know what to do right now. Do I got back?? Do I stay here with Max or do I...."

"Lucy. Don't even think about leaving."

"Did you speak to him?" I asked. He shook his head.

"I came here. To check up on you." He grabbed my hand and squeezed tight. "I'm glad I'm here with you."

I blushed and looked up at him. "Me too."

It was silent between us until we heard George's voice.

"Lucy? John wants to speak to...you." he finished when he saw our hands quickly pull away.

"Is she still there?" I asked. He shook his head and looked at Paul. I sighed and stood up.

"Will you all stay here and take care of the boys?"

"Are you sure?" Paul asked.

"You don't want us to come with you?" George added.

"No I...I can't hide from him. I need to do this alone. Plus, my husband needs me."

..

I walked down the long hall on the fourth floor alone. The silence was deadly. I felt my heart beating faster as I reached his room door. It was a little open. All I could hear was machines and the faint sound of the tv. I took a breath and walked in.

He was sitting up with a magazine in his lap. I sat in a chair and watched as he looked at me.

"You came."

I nodded. "Yeah. George said you wanted to see me."

He set his magazine to the side and sat back. "Is that the only reason you came by?"

I sighed. "Of course not John. I'm your wife. I was fuckin scared out of mind when I was told you got in an accident! All I could do was worry over the fact if something happened. If you were killed...the last words we said to each other. Would that be the end?"  I sat back in the chair and shook my head. "I came here, grateful that you were alright. I wanted to hold you and kiss you. I just wanted you to know I wasn't angry. I wanted to be the one who..." I trailed off and wiped the tear escaping my eye. He reached over to hold my hand. I pulled away.

"Then I saw you and her....it was a slap in the face. I felt like that girl again. The one who was always second choice. And I realised....that's all I'll ever be."

"No Lucy. That's not true."

"Yes it is. I love you. I really really love you. We've been living in our own world together and...we've just forgotten who we really are.."

"Lucy were still those two people who love each other. I love you! You're the woman I devote my life to I..."

"There will always be someone else John. Someone in the way. My god why can't we just have small arguements like a normal married couple?? But no, we have to go the whole fuckin ten yards and go from happiness to misery!"

"It doesn't have to be that way Lucy. Look at me." He reached over and despite my struggling, he gripped my hands tightly and looked into my eyes. "I love you. I love you more than anyone in this world. More than I loved Cynthia. More than Paul. Yes Paul. More than I loved that bloody band. And more than I love Yoko. My whole world is you. It's always been you!"

"You're a bastard. Christ John I felt so terrible after you left...I was just so scared if something did happen..then I come here to see you and her in each others arms.. Fuckin christ John!" I broke down.

"I know what I did was terrible alright!? How do you think I feel!? To see the look on your face when you walked in through that door earlier? It hurt me terribly! Look at me Lucy."

I didn't want to. I didn't want to hear his words, his apologies, his desperate attempts to get me to listen. But what else could I do? I love John. I love him with all my heart. I can't lose him to another woman. I won't lose him to another woman. Not again. 

I wiped my eyes and stood up, walking over to the door. He was about to say something until he saw me close and lock it.

"Lucy what are ye..."

I turned the lights off and the tv. He watched as I took my coat off and walked over to him, climbing on top and laying down on his body. He slowly wrapped me in his arms, squeezing me tight.

"I'll never understand you." He broke the silence. I sniffled and closed my eyes.

"I still hate you."

He stroked my hair. "As you should."

I smiled and looked up at him. "What on earth were you thinking the first day you saw me?"

He laughed and brushed my hair away from my face.

"Ye were a naughty little thing. I met many girls before and these birds meant buisness. But when ye came around... you were so timid and a fuckin knockout. Ye didn't want me. That was a bit insane cause...all the birds wanted me." He smirked. I laughed and nudged his face away.

"See It's that attitude that was so sexy."

I giggled and kissed the tip of his nose. He stroked the side of my face, just looking into my eyes.

"Do you think we'll have a happy ending?" I asked. He sighed and shook his head.

"People like us aren't meant to have happy endings Lucy."

I watched as he layed back and held me in his arms. I closed my eyes listening to his heartbeat.

"If we do have a happy ending...I can guarantee, it'll be a sad one the whole world will be talking about for ages." He finished silently.

.........