Avengers Imagines (Part One)

Sam Wilson X Reader - No Regrets

A/N - This chapter is based on the song 'No Regrets' by Dappy. In this imagine, there are mentions of mental health issues. If this is likely to have a negative effect on you, please do not read on. I hope you all enjoy it.

You should have been happy that you still had so many people in your corner. It should have taken away some of the pain to not be suffering alone. You should have been thankful that you had Sam with you when shit had gotten really tough for you. But somehow, all of that was forgotten the moment you were on your own. Even if it was only for a moment, your entire brain began to implode with panic and fear. 

It happened most commonly in the bathroom. You could survive the shower, the icy water being enough to still your racing mind for just long enough to stop you going absolutely mad with your feet on the freezing porcelain. It was when you were finally back in the warmth of the room that your brain went haywire. 

You would stare at yourself for hours if given the chance, criticising each and every choice you had ever made. It was so easy to do now. You had fucked up so severely that every other decision you made in the lead up to this moment in time became worse. You had gone from a hero to a wanted criminal in the space of a week, and now you were suffering for your choices. 

A knock on the door caused you to jump, your eyes finally leaving your reflection as you turned to face the sound. 

"Y/N?" Sam was always so cautious when it came to you. He could tell that something was wrong, but if you weren't willing to talk about it there wasn't much that he could do to help. "You've been in there for a while now. You good?"

You nodded before realising that there was no way for him to see you. For a moment, you considered staying quiet, but you knew it wouldn't do you any good. Hell, Sam would've knocked the door down to make sure you were okay, if he had to. You unlocked the door, pulling it open and giving him a weak smile.

It was obvious to you that you looked a mess. Your wet hair was hanging limp around your shoulders, plastered to your cheeks. Your skin was red from the cold water that had been pelting it moments ago. And you had dark circles under you eyes that made it look that you hadn't slept in weeks. 

"Hey, Beautiful," he uttered, forcing a smile as he leant against the wall, opposite the door. "You doing okay?"

You nodded, pausing for a moment as you took a deep breath. "Perfect," you murmured, pulling your towel tighter around your body. 

Sam didn't look so convinced, his smile fading into a frown. "You sure?"

God, how could you even answer that question? You already felt like shit for lying to him, without him going on and on with his interrogation. "I'm fine."

"No you're not." Fuck. "You're struggling with this." Oh. Fuck. "I'd be worried if you weren't to be honest." You remained silent, staring at him with wide eyed horror. "It's a lot to adjust to. But I need you to tell me what's going on so that I can help."

"I just-" you swallowed, pausing as you pressed your eyes closed. "I don't feel like me anymore."

Sam nodded, reaching out to place a hand on your elbow. His touch was so gentle that it made your breath catch in your throat. "Why don't you get dressed and we'll talk it out?" 

*Time Skip*

Twenty minutes later, you were sitting at the foot of the bed, having told Sam all of your thoughts. He had looked so sad when you explained that you'd been feeling that way for so long. You fell silent as you watched him, shifting awkwardly on the threadbare carpet as he considered what you had told him.

"I should have known that something was wrong," he uttered, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

"Don't do that," you told him, your voice softer than you intended as you reached out for his hand. "It's not like I was being honest with you. I could have told you."

Sam allowed you to link your fingers with his. "I thought that I would know without you having to say anything," he murmured, feeling you pull him a little closer to you. 

"I was hiding it from you. I didn't want you to know," you started again. "Please don't turn this into something it isn't. You know now and that's what matters." Sam nodded, releasing your hand to pull you up into his arms, wrapping himself around you as effectively as he could manage.

"From now on, we don't keep this shit from each other," he uttered, pressing his lips to the side of your head. "We're going to get through it together, okay?"

You nodded, pulling back to look him in his face. "I promise," you told him.

Sam lifted one of his hands, holding out his little finger to you. "Pinky swear," he started, causing a snort of laughter to escape you. "Come on. Pinky swear that we'll both be more honest about the shit going on in our heads."

You smiled, lifting your hand to link your pinky finger with his. "I swear."

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