𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖘𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖒 | d.f. |

🦋 dominic8 🦋

[ 11:17 AM ]

for just meeting her, i can tell something is kicking her ass mentally. she's quiet; in her head. she hasn't said one smart comment.

she's a wild card.

one minute it's this, next minute it's that.

what the hell is that? why is it so hard for her to trust someone?

"care to talk?" i ask, breaking the silence between us.

ever since she decided that we needed to find a discreet set of trees to practice inside of, nothing has came out of her mouth in the last 30 minutes from the phone call.

"my best friend is being an idiot so i'm accepting shit already," she shrugs, nodding to her words.

from what i could gather from the conversation, her friend didn't listen to her about this virus and what it can do.

soraya genuinely believes she's going to lose her best friend. she's cutting off that emotion to feel pain. i can tell her best friend means something to her, while she's clearly acting like she doesn't.

"your mom did a heavy number on you," i mumble.

she's emotionless to an extent. certain things she can't express, or maybe chooses not to.

"excuse me?"

"i'm saying that i could only imagine what a life with your mother would be like," i tell her not wanting to get yelled at.

"imagining it is probably better than living with what she relentlessly tried to ingrain in me."

"i'm sorry," i apologize.

every time i heard her mom, she was going in on someone. so living all day, twenty-four seven, with someone who would just go in on you consistently; maybe she has every right to act the way she does.

"don't. she's gone now. in a real fucked up way, i'm free from the mental abuse and all the shit she wanted me to be. whatever people will say about my mother, i won't fight them on it. she made sure to make everyone's life a living hell. she's exactly all the things people think about her, and more! she wanted me to be shit? well jokes on her, i have powers."

"do you think she had them?" i question.

there's no source to go to. no one to ask about any of this. no one to connect the pieces on why we have powers and no one else does.

"if she did, she ruined her chances by being addicted to heroin," soraya says.

drug addiction.

i'm not a stranger to that.

"my mom almost lost her way. after my little sister, apple, she wanted to change. she wanted to be better for her daughter, so she did."

"the ability to change," she smiles. "i wanted that for my mother. i wanted it a lot honestly. some days i'd think she'll be better tomorrow. tomorrow she'll wake up and want to actually push love into the atmosphere. but when tomorrow came, and it was the same old shit, i gave up. once you don't choose to be born, your entire life's existence is a complete mistake."