Stigma 2 | Mark Lee & Huang Xuxi

Chapter 56: Why

Tuesday - 7:50 pm

Mark was back from his call with Lucas. He was on his phone as he sat on a chair next to my bed. We were both quiet. While he was away a thought lingered in my head. It was beginning to bug me and I wasn't sure if I should ask it. I silently admired his features and even if he had makeup on. I could see how exhausted he looked.

Why do you still love me?

I know he gave me this elaborate explanation that he doesn't want to stop loving me. But why choose to love me all this time?

It doesn't make sense. With or without
my memories I knew he was hurting. Even if he tries to deny it, he was most probably having a hard time because of me.

"Mark, I know you explained earlier. But I need to know why exactly," I said and he looked up at me with curious eyes, "why choose to love me? Why wait for me to give you an answer? And although it pains me to admit this, you could've easily moved on to Chuu during the time we were not together. Why choose to stay? Why choose to love me? You have every right to move on. Because honestly Mark, I'm not asking you to wait for me. It's sweet and kind of you to be here for me, but what happens when I get my memories back and I don't choose you? What happens if my feelings go away? What then Mark?" I finally let out all my frustrations and Mark had a small smile on his lips, "Why are you smiling?"

"Because you're expressing yourself and it saves me a lot of time from guessing how you feel," Mark said and I raised my eyebrow at him in confusion. "If you want specifics, then I'll give it to you," he said as he put his phone away and then held my hand. "Let me take a moment to remember what you asked," he said and I nodded.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he went into deep thought. He was staring at my hospital blanket, his hands still holding mine. The sight was simply adorable and amusing. Those two words described Mark perfectly.

Mark looked up to me and smiled, "I'm choosing to love you because I want to, it's simple as that," he shrugged and I stared at him blankly, "but if you want the why do I love you. I've said this countless times before and I'll say it again. Because you're you. You are the person who is there for me when I get so insecure about myself, you knew what to say and what to do, because you've been through it. You're someone who would drop anything to be with me - I honestly believe if you had your own private jet, you'd get on it whenever I was lonely or sad. You would fly across the ocean multiple times just to be with me, I know that for sure," Mark said and I remembered the countless of times we had to settle for video calls because I couldn't be there for him physically.

"I know you don't see it yourself. But you're the most selfless person I know. Even when you're in need, you never call or ask for anyone's help, because you don't want to burden them. I'm guessing that right now you feel guilty lately for how things are. You feel guilty for the members squeezing you in their schedules," he said and I felt like crying as I nodded my head, "you may think you haven't done much, but you've done so much for us Min Jee. I can't speak for all of them, but I know the things you've done for me. The fact you're here in this hospital bed, because you wanted to remember memories so badly for Lucas and I - even if you said it was for you. Ultimately, I know you did it mainly for me and him. Because you don't want Lucas and I to wait for an answer, you don't want to give a half-assed answer. And I couldn't help but love you even more for that," I stared at Mark and I felt so guilty.

Here he is so sure of his feelings for me and I couldn't give him a straight answer.

Why did I have to forget? Why couldn't I choose someone, so they both could stop waiting?