knj imagines

new dad || o. guerra (request - berryyyaestetics)

thanks so much for requesting!! <3
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"Baby shopping is my new favorite form of shopping!" Nezza was squealing over the racks of baby clothes and I smiled at her excitment. Now that Oscar and I knew we were having a girl, we could start buying clothes and picking out the theme of the baby's room.

"I think clothes are the least of our priorities right now," I pointed out, however I couldn't help but fawn over the little tutu Nezza was holding out. "Okay, seriously we are way too distracted. We need to go look at the cribs," I said, basically dragging her away from the tiny dresses she had been flipping through.

"Wouldn't you rather have Oscar do this with you?" Nezza was gentle and nonchalant with the question and I just shrugged, hoping that she would move onto a different topic. "Is everything okay with you guys? You just seem a little less excited than you had been when you first found out about the baby."

If I was being honest, everything didn't feel okay with us. He had seemed on edge ever since we found out I was pregnant, and while he insisted he was excited, I had a feeling he was dreading what our life was about to become.

I smiled and shrugged again, but I had been keeping in all of these fears for so long that talking about it seemed so appealing. "I just feel like he doesn't really want this baby and I'm scared what's going to happen."

My voice broke as I finished and Nezza quickly pulled me in for a hug. "I'm sure that's not true! I heard Oscar and David talking about it yesterday and he seemed excited. Why would you think that?"

I just shrugged and couldn't stop the tears that were falling. The shopping trip suddenly seemed not as fun as before and Nezza insisted to pay for the few outfits we had picked out. I was too tired to argue and let her take them from my hands.

When we got back to my house, I sat for a minute, taking a deep breath. "Sorry I ruined the rest of the day," I said with a tiny smile. She laughed and hugged me over the console, telling me would take a raincheck on the baby shopping and go some other day. I waved as she drove away and hesitated when I saw Oscar's car was parked in the driveway. I wiped the rest of my tears away and collected myself before pulling the door open. 

I heard Oscar talking and I gave him a wave from where he was laying on the couch with his phone pressed against his ear. He ended the call and sat up, looking curiously at my bag. "Successful shopping day?"

My face lit up a little at his interest and I nodded, walking to stand behind the couch. "Yeah, Nezza and I found some cute clothes for the baby. Nothing too crazy," I trailed off when I saw his face fall. "What?"

"Don't you think we could hold off for a little bit on stuff like that?" I looked shocked and he rubbed his temple tiredly, already fed up with the conversation. "I just mean we have a couple more months to do all this stuff, can't we just live our normal lives a little bit longer?"

"Normal lives?" He seemed irritated at my upset tone and stood up to walk back the hallway, avoiding the conversation we both knew we needed to have. I blocked his way and he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth in frustration. "What do you mean normal lives? Having a baby isn't normal?"

"Not a baby we weren't trying for!" His tone was harsh as he threw his hands up in exasperation and I crossed my arms over my chest self-consciously. "You can't tell me you aren't just a little bit upset that this is happening?"

"Upset?" My tone seemed to make him more angry as he tried to push past me, but I grabbed his shoulder to keep him in place, squeezing in frustration. "I knew you didn't want this baby! But I thought maybe I was just being crazy and maybe you were just processing your emotions differently than I was."

"I never said that I didn't want this baby, don't put words in my mouth! I just feel,"

"Just stop, it's fine if you don't want this baby but don't pretend like I'm crazy because I called you out on it. Just because we weren't trying doesn't mean we should pretend it isn't happening, and for the record I do want this," I said, cutting him off, much to his annoyance.

"(Y/N), let me,"

"And you know I was talking to Nezza about this today," I continued, cutting him off again and ignoring his protests as I kept talking over him, hot and angry tears racing down my cheeks.

Fed up with not being able to get a word in, he smashed his fist against the wall and scowled at me. "(Y/N), for the love of God let me talk!"

It wasn't hard, but the vibration was enough to make a picture frame crash down off the wall behind me. I lunged away from the spray of glass and Oscar swore under his breath as he caught me around the waist. His hand brushed against my bump and his face softened, letting his fingers linger a minute and making sure I was steady.

"I'm going to get a broom. Don't move," he said, his voice completely calm as he walked away. I leaned against the wall, my entire body shaking as tears continued to flood my vision. When he came back, he scooped me up and carried me over to the couch, swiping his thumb across my cheek and catching stray tears. "I'm so sorry, I can't believe I just did that. Just take deep breaths, high amounts of stress aren't good for the baby."

Despite our argument, my heart warmed to think that he had been doing his research enough to know that. He went back to the hallway and I watched him carefully clean everything up, sweeping the same spot multiple times to ensure all of the glass was gone. "I'm sorry," I whispered, not sure if he would be able to hear me.

He turned with a frown and walked back to me, sitting down and pulling me into his lap. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry I said all of that horrible stuff that I seriously didn't mean." He glanced down and moved his hand to rested on my stomach, smiling lightly as he looked back up at me. "I'm just really scared (Y/N), what if I'm a horrible dad? I don't even know how to be a dad."

"I don't know how to be a mom either," I pointed out, placing a hand on his cheek comfortingly. "We'll learn. No one knows how to do it until they have to." He nodded and I took a deep breath before asking, "I promise I won't be mad if you say no. Are you actually excited?"

He smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry you ever worried that I wasn't. Of course I am. I wouldn't want my life to be any other way right now."