Broken- Brittana

Cedes

Santana's POV:

Last night was hard, I didn't sleep at all. I just kept thinking about Britt's face when I told her I wouldn't do the duet with her and it made me cry more and more. Those cries turned into loud, uncontrollable sobs when I realised that tomorrow would probably be the first time in months, if not years, when I would not have Brittany by my side. I cried for hours and hours, my parents never bothered to come in, but when my mum asked what the sounds were, I told her I was practicing bird calls. Somehow she believed it.

I got to school extra early and met up with Mercedes- I texted her last night to ask her to meet me before school started. I hadn't actually asked her about the duet yet, I just hope that she says yes as I am not the nicest to her at school. Sure, we speak on the weekends and sometimes in Glee but it's almost as if no one knows about our friendship. I hope she knows that what I say is just me being sarcastic and sometimes snarky, I never actually want to hurt anybody.

"What do you want Santana?" she asked while walking up to me. This is not how I wanted the conversation to start, she sounds so annoyed, like she doesn't even like me. 

"I-I uh..." I stammered, "I wanted to know if you wanted to do the duet with me in Glee Club, I mean we sound great together," her face is unreadable and I have to admit, I'm a bit scared. With Brittany mad at me, Cedes is one of my only friends. I have Quinn, of course, and the rest of the Glee Club but they are only friends with me because they have to be. Honestly, without Brittany I don't really have anyone.

"And why would I want to do that San? Huh? You told me that at school you wanted us to act like, and I quote, we can't stand each other !" Her voice was slightly raised and I mentally slapped myself for being so stupid. I started to beg now with my eyes directed to my feet, I may be confident and bitchy to everyone, but my friends are the most important thing to me, they accept me for everything I am, even if they don't quite know everything.

"Please, Cedes. I know what I said but I was stupid. We have known each other for so long and I am an idiot for putting popularity before our friendship," I started, looking up slightly to see how well I was getting through to her. "You know I never wanted to hurt you, please tell me you know that!" I said, the upset in my voice evident.

"Of course I know that, San," she replied with a gentle nod of her head, "but your words still hurt, even if they are just a defence mechanism. I know you, and I know that you don't want to be this person." That one hurt, I don't want to be this person, I don't, but it's the years of self-loathing that have made me this, and now I don't know how to go back. "Why are you really asking me to do this duet with you?"

I felt my eyes start to water. I couldn't cry, not in front of her. "I-I'm sorry..." is all I could say before running back to my car. 

I felt a gentle tap on my passenger side window and I looked up with puffy eyes. No one ever sees me like this, no one. She opened the door gingerly and sat in the seat next to me. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, she just reached over and held my hand while I cried.

"C-Cedes?" I stuttered, "I-I, I'm gay..." I couldn't believe I had just told her that. Was I gay? I mean, I love Brittany but... yeah, I'm gay. "p-please don't hate me... please don't." I begged, scared that this secret could change everything. I waited for her reply but seconds felt like hours, "d-do you hate me? Does this ch-change everything?" I asked while looking up at her, shaking. She shook her head slightly and hugged me. 

"I love you Santana, you hear me? I love you and nothing is ever going to change that." she said sternly, "we have been best friends since we were five, we used to take baths together and everything," she laughed, making me smile slightly, "so no, no I do not hate you. Nothing could ever make me hate you. We're a family. You are my sister. And something as small as who you love can't break that, nothing can break us." She said, her voice stern, but still soft at the same time. She squeezed me tighter and asked "does Brittany know?" Just the mention of her name made me cry even harder into Mercedes' chest.