Broken- Brittana

Therapy

Brittany's POV:

San and I were in the car on the way to her first appointment with the therapist, and I could tell how uneasy she was feeling. I drove today, I wanted to give her a break so that she could focus her energy on keeping calm and expressing how she truly feels. I'm scared for her, she has never been good at that and I hate that I won't be there to help her through the frustration. However, I know that me being with her would force her to withhold certain pieces of information and I don't want to do that, especially if those things are paramount to her healing.

I kept my fingers interlocked with hers, giving it the occasional squeeze to let her know that I am here and not going anywhere. She had barely said anything this morning, and not one word since we got in the car.

"I'm right here, Baby Girl, I'm not going anywhere," I told her. I didn't care if I didn't get a response, I know that she heard it and will be able to think back to this moment when I am not directly beside her. We pulled into the car park around ten minutes early and we just sat there in silence, me placing soft kisses to her knuckles to keep her breathing steady, until she suddenly opened the car door and jumped out. I was surprised because she gave no prior warning, but I quickly got out of and locked the door before running to catch up with her and holding her hand again.

"Sorry," she sighed, "I needed to leave then or I wouldn't go at all," I just nodded with a reassuring smile. We walked in and checked San in before being told to take a seat. I have recently gotten San some super strong magnets, which are a nightmare if they get close to your phone, but good for fidgeting. As soon as I saw them, I knew that she would be grateful because it stops her from playing with her fingers or pulling her skin.

"Santana Lopez?" A woman called with a warm smile. San immediately tensed to I kissed her cheek and pulled her in for a tight hug.

"Remember what I said, Baby, I am not going anywhere. Just say what you can, no pressure, yeah?" She nodded, "I love you. You can do this!"

"I love you too, Britt," she gave me a small smile before walking away.

Santana's POV:

I can't believe I actually used to like therapy, I mean, when all of the bad stuff was out of the way. I would be able to voice how I feel with the confidence that it was confidential. I think that was the thing I liked the most- that I could tell someone how messed up I really was without anyone who loves me finding out and thinking they failed me.

I used to see Dr Friedman (or Eggy as I used to call her to test how tolerant she was) when I was younger too, and she knew things about me that no one did. I never told her about me being gay, though- I told no one that until... I guess it was probably Blaine? It feels like such a long time ago now.

I was so happy when my mom agreed to me leaving because I would finally get a chance to be like the other kids- or so I thought. I was never like them, and I'm still not. Maybe it's a strength, but it only ever felt like a weakness back then.

I rolled my eyes as we walked into the same familiar room. I'm not fucking ten anymore, I'm gay but I don't want to learn how to count with rainbows- I just need to get better so that I can be what Brittany needs. I sat down on the incredibly low chair and started playing with the magnets B got me- I don't chuck them in the air to make the rattling sound, I just spin them.

"So Santana, it's good to see you again," I rolled my eyes again. I may be hiding behind my walls, but it is comforting and I know that she knows- or knew- me well enough to tell what I was really thinking. "How have you been?"

"Can we cut the crap?" Believe it or not, my cursing has gotten a lot more under control from when I last saw her. "I don't care about any of that shit, I just need you to fix me again."