Broken- Brittana

Making up?

Brittany's POV:

I knew that school was going to be hell today because I wouldn't be with Santana, that makes everything worse. I fell asleep last night after crying for hours on end. She doesn't love me. That hurts more than when I found out that Lord Tubbington was recording me in the shower and selling it on Craigslist. I don't know how I will get through today, for the first time since the beginning of the year I am thankful for not sitting with her in our few classes together. But I still have to go to Cheerios and Glee today- I really hope that she isn't mad at me.

Now that I think about it, we have never really been in a fight, I keep my feelings secret and we make out. I don't tell her that her simplest touches light my skin on fire and I still get to hold her. It is kind of a silent agreement between the two of us.

So much has happened in the last 24 hours and I am just so confused about how I feel. I'm sad that she doesn't feel the same way, almost relieved that I now finally know her true feelings, but mostly angry. I don't feel angry often, especially not as a result of something that Santana has said or done, but she led me on. She knew that I liked girls, but she didn't once think about my feelings. To her I was just a toy that she could leave once she'd had her daily fix. I was an experiment, one that told her that she could never like girls. I was nothing to her- I am nothing to her. And that makes me angry, but not at her, I don't think I could ever be angry at her. Angry at myself. I let her treat me that way, I justified it with the fact that this way I could still have the love of my life. I told myself that maybe, just maybe, if I give her everything that I have she could feel the same way, despite her making it clear that she never will. And I am also angry that the bigger part of me doesn't care anymore, I can't live without her, and I know that I will always settle for the tiny part of her that I can get.

I checked my diary quickly for evidence that Lord Tubbington has joined a gang again, and when I didn't find any I left for school. Luckily I only lived a 10 minute walk away so most of the time I could get away with leaving quite late, but today I needed the time to clear my head. I walked through the park to look at all the trees and the birds before finally getting to school. I was still quite early, so I was just going to go to homeroom and catch up on some Spanish work- I needed all the help that I could get since I never got around to studying yesterday. However, as I was walking, something caught my eye: Santana.

She was sat in her car with Mercedes, laughing. I can't deny that I felt a little, or a lot, jealous. I hadn't heard from her this morning like I usually do, and I assumed that it was because she didn't want to be my friend anymore, but really it was because she had been with Mercedes? I don't know how I am supposed to feel, but I just feel hurt. Is Mercedes going to be the new me? Is it really that easy for her to replace me? Did I really only mean that little to her? 

I run to the bathroom and I sit in one of the stalls, just letting my tears fall and thinking  about how she doesn't love me. I don't know how long I was there, but I heard some people come in and instantly started to clean my tear-stained cheeks. The people in the bathroom with me didn't say much, so I assumed that they left and it was safe to leave the stall without being noticed. 

Santana's POV:

Mercedes and I walk into the bathroom at school and she notices that one of the stalls was occupied so we just stand there silently while I fix my make-up. It takes a few minutes as before last night, I can't remember the last time that I cried that much. I had bags under my eyes from lack of sleep and my eyes were bloodshot from all the crying. My cheeks were left stained by the tears that had fallen and my mascara was smudged. This is why Brittany is lucky, she doesn't wear make up so she doesn't have to deal with this crap. 

We had been in the bathroom for about five minutes before the stall opened, I was wondering what they had been doing in there, but I decided that I could make fun of them later when I found out who it was. My theories and heart stopped when I saw an extremely upset Brittany emerge from the previously occupied stall. I looked round to Mercedes who seemed to take the hint and left before I walked up to Britt and wrapped my arms around her.

It killed me to see her so broken, and the thought that I was responsible made it even worse. She started crying again and all I could do was hold her tight whisper sweet things in her ear until her sobs quietened. "I'm sorry, Britt" I said, my voice shaky, "I never meant to hurt you, I am so, so sorry." All she did was hug me even tighter, at some point I thought that she could cut off my blood circulation, but I didn't care. 

After standing there for a few minutes in each others arms I pulled away slightly. She looked at me with confusion and fear in her eyes so I held out my pinky. My hand was shaking because I didn't know if she would take it, this was like the defining moment in whether our friendship would be ok. She looked at it hesitantly before taking it. As soon as she did, I released the breath that I didn't realise I was holding and embraced her in another hug, whispering "everything's going to be ok".

I checked  the time and realised that we were 5 minutes late for 1st period- it was only Spanish and Mr Schue probably wouldn't notice. He would just be giving us his tragic life story about how he divorced his first wife because of some baby drama, and now the love of his life is dating the finest dentist alive. He just keeps repeating it to us, depressing us! Like dude, get a life! Not to mention the fact that he can't speak a word of Spanish, why the hell is he teaching the subject?

I look up at Britt and gesture that we have to go but just before we leave the bathroom, I stopped us and looked up at her. When she noticed that I had stopped she furrowed her brows slightly like she does when she is confused. I just smiled slightly at how adorable she is and rolled up on my toes to kiss her on her cheek. She smiled back at me and I just squeezed on her pinky gently, pulling her out of the bathroom to go to Spanish.

A/N: Ahhh, I am so sorry that this is so badly written! I know what I want to do with this book but at this point I don't know how to do it! Also, sorry that this chapter is so short, hopefully it will get better soon (?)

Thank you for reading, I love you all and stay safe :)