Broken- Brittana

Set list

Brittany's POV:

It has been a week since the wedding, and San is getting more and more scared every day. She is trying her best to let me in, but she is holding back, I know she is. I don't blame her though, when you have spent your whole life hiding from who you are, both to yourself and others, it's hard to just change that.

Kurt has also left. The threats from Karofsky became too much, and though I don't know exactly what he said he was good, I know it is in no way good- Kurt loves this team too much to leave for nothing.

It was an emotional goodbye, none of us wanted him to leave, we just accepted it because it was the best thing for him. I could see San rebuilding her walls to keep from crying. All I wanted was to be able to hug her and kiss her to make her feel better, but I couldn't. Not only would it have brought attention to the fact that she is bothered and not heartless, but it would also show that we were together, and that is something San is not ready for yet.

I have to admit, it has gotten easier with time. I don't feel the constant urge to tell people to stay away from my girlfriend  when they are pressing her buttons, or say I love you in front of everyone. At the moment, even though I want to tell Mike, I know better than to bring up her coming out. I mean, I know that she will be ok with it because, before Matt left, Matt, Mike, San and I were so close. We were the power quartet or something. I came out to the three of them before anyone else (obviously Santana first).

Lately, as soon as we finish school, she drives to my house and we sit on my bed, her head in my lap, and she just cries. I need to do something, anything, but I don't know how to help. All I do is play with her hair soothingly, whispering that everything is going to be ok.

We haven't even had sex since the Finn incident, I mean I don't really mind. I would much rather that she was happy and healthy than me get off. Sex with Santana was always the best, but she was more important. Other than her crying, it was one of the main reasons that there is more wrong than she is telling me. Santana never denies me sweet lady kisses.

As she cries, I hold on to her, tighter than ever before. "I love you, I love you, I love you." I repeated, so afraid that she would forget it, afraid that all of the demons in her mind will take over. "Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I love you, Santana Lopez." I said, my voice gentle but stern. I was crying now too. This had been a daily occurrence since the incident, but I had never cried. I knew that I had to be there for San, but I couldn't hold it together anymore. My girlfriend was broken, and I can't do a thing to help. I love her so much and seeing her this defeated hurts.

"I love you too, B" she says softly. My eyes widened, this was the first time that I have heard her voice the whole time. She had been communicating through facial expressions and body language. Despite how broken it was, nothing can take away the joy I felt hearing her say something again. "I'm sorry I've been so pathetic this week." She sighs.

"Baby, you are not pathetic. T-talk to me, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" She took a deep breath in and I thought that she was going to return to her silence.

"I don't know what to do. He's planning something and I don't know what, if it is what I think it is, then everything will get so fucked up!" I want to kill Finn for making her feel this helpless. "You're going to leave me." Ok, that was too far. All of this is messed up, but to make her think that she was going to lose me? Hell no!

"Baby, I will never leave you, I lo-"

"Yes you will. He will out me, I will get kicked out and forced to live with Emily. That is hours away, B, long-distance kills a relationship. We won't go to the same school anymore, we will barely see each other, and you will end up hating me. I don't want to do this shit anymore!" I don't know what to do, how can I help her. I knew that she was thinking a lot, but I never knew that it was about this- about us. "Don't tell me I'm crazy, it's bad enough that I am making you hide our relationship. Now if he does do it then you'll get shit too. I-I understand if you don't want to go through with this..."