Peter Parker Oneshots and Drabbles

36. Drunk Texts - Fluff Drabble

Anonymous asked:

Omg I can't stop thinking about drunk!reader texting Peter with; "wanna get married? I know how to give love and blowjobs" lmao that would be so so funny pls and Peter is right next to you, and he almost chokes on his drink when he reads the text

Hey hun, thanks for sending this in. I hope you enjoy this drabble!

Peter Parker x Stark!Reader [funny/fluff]
Warning: Drinking and Swearing
Word Count: 650

Fuck, you felt so dizzy, you swore you could just reach out and fucking taste the dizziness, it made absolutely no sense. You slowly dripped down in your seat, grabbing onto your drink again and sipping – maybe chugging it (just for a moment or two). You gazed back to your boyfriend, smiling sweetly as you saw him politely talk with a few of the agents near the table you two were sat at.

You tugged your phone out, randomly typing in incorrect passcodes and groaning at it. "Yeah, okay phone, just work." You slurred at it, blinking down at its brightness. You fiddled with it again, pressing your fingerprint into it and watching your homepage open.

"Yeah, fuckin' victory." You mumbled to yourself, pressing random apps lightly. None of them would open because your touch was too light, until you pressed down on the messages, as you glanced back up to Peter, seeing him gaze around the room almost awkwardly.

It was for your dad's party for the new release of a product you could barely remember now. Your stepmom was there too, Pepper. She was always so sweet to you, and you snorted when you searched throughout the room to find the two of them, to see your dad jumping up and down with Thor, and Pepper drinking a glass of champagne.

When you looked back down to your phone, Peter's and yours texts showed up and you giggled again, shaking your head as you saw him twiddle with his thumbs, blushing as he awkwardly stumbled over an answer about what he does at the Stark company.

He was fucking adorable, and you loved him. And he looked way too hot in a suit too, which you insisted to him when he was putting it on today. It made you feel a bit warm as you continued to gaze at him, and you finally pulled your eyesight away from him when he looked back at you confused, about to ask a question.

You couldn't really hear him over the loud shouting, and you started typing a text to him. Instead of just asking how he was, you just had to say something else. You pouted as a wave of dizziness pressed through you, and you started typing, "babes babe... wanna get married? I know how to give love and blowjobs." You pressed send without another thought.

When Peter felt his phone vibrate, he looked down, unlocking it and opened your text. He reread it, as he sputtered out in shock, choking on the drink he just took a sip of. His face burning dark red in complete shock as he tried to stop choking on that dumb drink. He covered his coughing as it got worse, and he gazed over to you, catching your wink to him and started sputtering more, leaning down over his seat.

People around him sighed in disappointment, thinking he was throwing up or something and walked away. When Peter finally got his choking under control. He slowly adjusted in his seat, sighing in relief to start breathing properly, and he closed his eyes, head leaning back.

He picked up his phone after a moment, after seeing you get another drink from the bar in front of the two of you. He started texting back to you, "I almost just died but sure let's get married one day" After he pressed send, he jumped, feeling someone's hand on his back.

He glanced over his shoulder, eyes widening as he saw it was your dad, Tony. "Oh, um, hi Mr. Stark." He stumbled over the words and Tony stared down at him with a raised eyebrow, already catching the texts.

"Uh... I'm a bit too drunk to lecture you two, so invite me to the wedding if it happens soon." Tony responded, shrugging a bit. You waved to your dad, unaware of what was happening now, instead just happy this party was sort of fun.