Let it burn

Put The Gun Down

Andy's POV

This last week had been hell. I ran into Ronnie at the studio and thankfully there was no hard feelings. If I'm being honest when he grabbed my wrist I expected to recieve a shinner. As he held me in a warm embrace I could smell a hint of Charlee's cologne lingering on his clothes. It had been evident she'd moved on and found peace with him. Their dynamic was much like ours and it envied me to know they could do it better. Charlee was mine, my heart still longs for her even though she did not feel the same.
Ronnie starts to whisper in my ear and I felt the tears build up.

"It's alright. Charlee is fine and I've been looking out for her. She's been silently working on her music and deep down I know she wishes you well." He whispers in my ear. Letting out a sob I tried to hold back so desperately.

"Is she clean? How is she after the.. you know?" I ask as he pulls away from the embrace.

"She's almost ten months sober, and she's doing alright. Willow has kept her going." He says before grabbing out his phone. Looking at the photos he showed I felt my heart pinch. This was the life we dreamed of for ourselves. Through tears I let out a few laughs as I watch the videos of Charlee and Willow.

"Aunty you are so slow! The ants run faster!" Willow cheekily says while waving Charlee to hurry up.

"Oh how I hope gravity fucks you over." Charlee says looking at Ronnie.

He then swipes across and a photo of Charlee pops up. On her chest slept a peaceful Rory and Willow sprawled out on her stomach.

"She really does look good." I say and he nods. We wrap up our conversation and both head in to do our separate things.

.
.

I hung the locket that once belonged to Charlee around my rear view mirror. The pills slowly start to take their affect on me, yet it wasn't fast enough. I was getting pissed off with myself now more then anything. How hard was it to kill myself? I'd drunk more than I ever had, I'd mixed my depression tablets and some old sleeping pills. According to my doctor this would kill a horse so why wasn't I dead yet? As the drugs take their sweet ass time I listen to old interviews Charlee did. It was the only way I could hear her voice these days. Her voice soothing and comforting me from God knows where she is now. The interview comes to an end and I wait for the next one to come on.

"Live now in the studio is Charlee Monroe. Before she preforms her new song we have some questions the fans have been itching to know." The interviewer says and I grab my phone to see if it was actually live streaming. Getting on I read the messages coming in fans asking questions and sharing their love. I look at her and she looked so healthy, so happy and I smile. It was good to see her like this she wasn't wasting away. The interviewer asks some questions about up coming music, collaborations and then he asks about the misscariage, relapse and Ronnie's baby.

"Yeah I was at me absolute lowest and you know rock bottom teaches you lessons mountain tops can't. I'd lost my best friend's and myself just over a month before I found out. Ronnie had been my rock through it all but there was someone I wanted to tell more than anything. Friends fizzle out though and I hope they get out of the rut their in. I know they are coping with some baggage of their own. As for the relapse it was a moment of weakness that blossomed into something so precious I wouldn't change it for the world. Ronnie and I don't like to talk about the kids in interviews. We want to protect their privacy for as long as possible. But they are doing well I love being their aunty never a dull moment." She says and I look as she leans in a little to read the comments.

"Was Andy the father of your misscariage?" I watch as she reads the comment but skips it. A few more fans ask and she sighs.

"Guys that's very insensitive, Please ask anything else." She says and I was more and more sure her loss was also mine. 

"Will you ever be friends with Juliet and Andy again?" I type and she reads the comment.

"That's a hard one to answer at Andy's fine. I haven't spoken to them in over a year now and we are all on our own journey. Juliet and Andy just got married and starting that chapter of their life. We're all working on music, I'm an aunty, I'm still working on myself every day so I can be the best version of myself, warped tour is around the corner and with all of the different things were doing friendships fizzle out." She says and the tears flow down my cheeks.

"I think you should reach out to them" I type and she reads it but clears her throat.

"Alright well Charlee is on a bit of a time schedule so we will wrap up the questions and get into the song. This is Chemicals." The interviewer says and she grabs her acoustic guitar. As she plays I get chills and her voice haunts my broken soul. Every word ached as I hear her voice rasp and the raw pain comes through the speaker.

"I'm Charlee Monroe thanks for listening. I love you all, even you Andy's fine." She says. Pulling the gun away from my head, I let out a sob. Did she know it was me? Did she still care about me? Whether it was or wasn't I took that as hope. I put the gun in under my chair along with all the other belongings I hid from Juliet and drive home. The road was blurry and I wasn't sure I'd make it home. As the rain falls making my vision harder I take it slow. Charlee still cared. Get home for Charlee.  I get home and as soon as I walk through the door Juliet had a hundred and one questions. Cupping her face I kiss her, the only silence I had was when we had sex. To keep her quiet I engaged in a lot more sex with her. I'd fallen out of love with Juliet I dreaded going home and I definitely didn't find pleasure in sex. The only pleasure I got was her silence. I thought about and envision Charlee while I take Juliet on the couch. It's been a while since I thought about Char while with Juliet, it was normally something I did in the shower alone but in the state I was, I needed to. As I finish I'd forgotten reality and moan Charlee's name. Juliet hits me and I smirk to myself as she storms off upstairs. I was going to hear about for months now but while she treated me like I was in the dog house I follow Charlee's new account.

Andy: Hey, I know it's getting late but would you want to grab a strawberry milkshake for two?

Charlee: It was you on the live

Andy: Yeah.. so the milkshake is it a yes?

Charlee: It's been over a year since we called it off.. I don't think I'm ready

Andy: I know and I'm sorry. I could really use someone right now though. Charlee I need you.

Charlee: See you soon.

Andy: Can you pick me up? I've been drinking...

Charlee: Yeah

With that I go into the spare room and change my clothes before heading down our driveway and walking to the end of the street. I was so excited and overwhelmed to see her. After all it had been a long time. I wonder how much has changed in her life.

Thirty minutes pass and I get a message from Juliet.

Juliet: She's not coming Andy get back home your desperate fool

Messaging Charlee my message doesn't send and I head back to the hell I was married too. I hated this and the hope was wearing thin. It'd be a miracle if I made it another month here. Right now as I walk up our driveway, I wish I hadn't put the gun down.