Let it burn

Waiting for the end

Andy's POV:

It's been a year since Charlee died. Every day got a little harder than the next. Somehow I believed she was still out there. Every night I prayed she'd come home only to wake up and find her absence all over again. I kept our front light on and it drove Juliet mad. I didn't care how high our electricity bills got, the light would remain on. The light wouldn't go out until Charlee returned home. Even if that never happened I made a promise to wait for her. I intend to keep that promise. I'm making up for all the promises I broke. Charlee was my best friend and I missed her. I couldn't eat in our dinning room, the pillows she slept on where a painful reminder that she no longer rests beside me, the photos hung were the only way I could see her face. Maybe this was all a big joke and Charlee just needed time. She's still alive. I believe it to be true because if she truly passed on I'd feel her watching over me. Juliet says I'm crazy and I need to move on, but I won't believe anything else. Today was Charlee's birthday and she would be 26. Ronnie was thowing a party at his house to honour her name and I was unsettled. The idea felt wrong, then again I was the only one who believes she'd return home. As I got dressed I hum bad decisions. Juliet had tried to block out anything that reminded her of Charlee. It hurt. I guess everyone grieves differently though.

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Getting to Ronnie's I see loads of our friends were already here. Bad decisions was blaring and Ronnie seemed in high spirits. Saying hello to everyone I grab a red solo cup and head upstairs. Sitting on the edge of the bath I sigh. I was so overwhelmed.
Hearing her voice echo through the house made it feel less real. As I sip on my drink it slowly starts to sink in. Charlee really is gone. Wiping my eyes I head downstairs and join the party. There was only one way to get through this and that was drink until I don't remember.

"Ok it seems that everyone has arrived. Tonight I want to honour Charlee. We are not going to cry, were going to get drunk and listen to her music. I also want everyone to use the Polaroid camera and take a photo. Write your favourite memory on the back of it. Now let's party!" Ronnie shouts and we all cheer. As the alcohol courses through my blood, the unbearable feeling subsides. Everything for the first time felt like it was going to be alright.
Juliet had let her hair down and it was nice to see her happy. Excusing myself I head upstairs to use the bathroom. As I get to the door I hear Ronnie was on the phone in there.

"Charlee is that you?" Ronnie asks and my heart was pounding faster now.

"Baby please just come home. I need you." Ronnie says before a loud thud is heard and he curses under his breath.

"You alright?" I ask from the other side of the door. There's some shuffling before the door opens and I'm pulled into the bathroom.

"No Andy I'm not ok. I miss her and it kills me every day. Willow writes letters to Charlee everyday telling her all the adventures she went on. At night I hear her crying because she misses her too. Rory just started walking and her own mother doesn't even get to share these beautiful moments. No one knows why she was killed either and that's what hurts the most. I just want fucking answers!" Ronnie shouts and I pull him into a hug. I didn't know what to say in this moment.

"Why do you keep saying Charlee is Rory's mother?" I ask and he stiffens in my grip.

"I said that?" He asks trying to brush it off.

"Ronnie please don't lie to me." I beg and he sighs.

"After Sally miscarried, Charlee soon after miscarried the twins. Sally and I were going through the emotions and well Charlee and I didn't help each other. We got high at a house party and one thing led to another. I had no idea she'd be so fertil after just losing the pregnancy but a month later she had a positive test. Originally Sally and I said it was ours but as time went on Sally wanted Charlee to have the chance to be a mother. The day she was shot she signed the custody papers and we were finally going to be a family. Well we already were but she planned to make it official. Your the only other person who knows. So if you tell a soul I will end you." Ronnie explains and I just sit there taking in the information.