Darkness And Light: One Shots - [The School for Good And Evil]

Chap 28 / Aric - Why is it still raining?

Prompt: Tiktok sound; "it's still raining. Why is it still raining? I did what I was supposed to.." (idea from a Steve Harrington edit)

MODERN AU 

TW; panic attacks, smut, slurs, internalized homophobia

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I still like boys.. Why do I still like boys? I did what I'm supposed to..

I kissed every girl that showed interest in me. I slept with every girl that let her body stroke over mine.

Why do I still like boys?!

-

I grabbed the girls thighs and pulled her closer to me, her tongue slipping in my mouth. She was riding me but somehow it just.. didn't feel right. I changed position, maybe that will-

Fuck..

She left the room after we finished. I exhaled and pulled my hair. That wasn't fair! Why? Why me..?

I'm not one of those fags.. like Japeth.. right? I'm normal. Right..?

While putting my clothes back on, I stayed a little longer in the room and just.. enjoyed the silence.

That wasn't fair.

Why do I still like boys..?

I walked out the room and back into the pub, music pounding in my ears. My eyes scanned the dance floor and I recognized Japeth under all those people, he was dancing with a man. Tall, dark hair, muscular structure. His hands laying on Japeth's hips while he rubbed his dick against him. Asshole.

Why is he touching him? Why does Japeth let it happen? What is this shit!?

I felt jelousy growing inside me and I looked over to the bathrooms, making my way there, I massaged my hands and tried to keep my breath under control.

Pushing people out of my way and tripling into the bathroom, I hid in a stall and sat down. I didn't care about the dirt on the floor.

I held my head between my hands and breathed in and out. What was that feeling? Why was I jealous? I couldn't care less about who us dancing with Japeth and who's not. We barley had contact..

Expect for the kiss. And my boner.. and the make out afterwards.. but.. but I was drunk! I didn't know what I was doing, right? I had no idea what was happening.. but I let it happen.

I tried to focus on the people who were leaving and who were coming in. Just listened to the door opening and closing. Opening and closing. Over and over again.

"Aric?" Someone asked, I knew who it was. 

Japeth..

Just stay quiet, just stay quiet. He won't know, right? Then one of his scims, who are like so cool.. flew under the door and right in front of my face. Oh well..

"Aric? Can you open the door?" He asked and knocked carefully.

"No.." I said back, I didn't want to feel this. This isn't what I know.

I'm not good at feeling feelings. I don't deserve feelings. So..

Why am I feeling?!

"Aric, come on. I know you're not on the toilet." He said and I heard a small chuckle. 

I slowly reached to the doorknob and turned it around. Slowly. Scared.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked and sat down across of me, our legs each in between the others.

"Nothing." I lied and bit my lip. 

"Come on, don't lie.. I see you're not doing well, do you want to leave? We can leave if you want." He shrugged his shoulders and he seemed so.. nice.

His lips looked so soft in the light, as they crunched up to a smile, his hair so.. red and his eyes so darker than usual. His face was well shaped, I liked it.. I like looking at it. Like it's something drawn. Like a picture.

He was so.. so perfect.

"You can also just stay here and.. rot, of course, if you want to." He chuckled and wiggled our knees from one to another side. 

"No, I'm fine." I rolled my eyes, and pulled my knees closer to me and away from him.

"Sorry.." he mumbled and stood up again.

"You know.. you don't have to be so mean to me, if.. if you don't want the kiss and.. everything else to mean anything just say so." He said, then he turned around the doorknob and left.

Ouch..

"Japeth, stop!" I called and heard him stop.

"It's not.. it's not that it didn't mean anything, I was.. just drunk." I lied and hoped he'd let it slide.

"So what?"

"Japeth, I'm not..  I'm not good with feeling things.. Except for anger.. I'm good at feeling angry- but that's it. I'm not good at other.. feelings." I said and exhaled, the door opened again and Japeth stood there.

"So what? You can learn that, or is it anything else?" He asked, closing the door, but he kept standing.

"I'm not.. I'm not like you."

"Like me?"

"Like you.. like.. gay.. I'm not.. I'm not gay."

"Okay? So?"

"So?"

"Yeah, so? You don't have to be gay, they're other sexualities-"

"No, no. Japeth, you don't listen. I like girls. I'm into girls, not guys. Not boys.." I said and.. I felt angry. Why doesn't he get it? I'm not gay..

So why do I still like.. Japeth? And why do I want him to kiss me.. again?

"Oh.. well.. You said you were drunk, so I guess." He shrugged his shoulders and left again. Why did he just leave..?

My breath started to tremble and I felt tears in my eyes.

Why did he leave?

I pinched into my knees and tried to keep myself calm but it didn't work.

Why did he leave?!

My lungs felt like they were about to explode but at the same time as if someone is pressing them together. I felt like choking and kept trying to be calm..

Why did he leave me..? He can't just leave me.. that wasn't fair! I need hum to come back.. Please come back, Japeth!

Tears were running down my face and I kept gasping for air, why did I feel so weird? What is wrong with me? What is happening?!

Please someone help me..

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Author note-

OMG- ANGST AHHHHHH

I'M SORRY-

JUST KIDDING I'M NOT MUAHAHAH

VOTE <33