Deadland

Chapter 18- Barn

(TW!! Mentions of self-harm!)

Alyssa squeezes my hand harder but once again, I don't feel anything. My breath shudders slightly and I look down at my legs, trying to hide the tear that's dripped from my eye.

I take a quick deep breath and stand up, taking my hand out of Alyssa's.

"I'm gonna go on a walk." "Adrian-" She starts. "I'll be back in a few minutes." I respond without looking back, because I know if I do, I'll break down.

I walk down the hill, towards where Daryl had gotten shot. I walk through the woods, the leaves and sticks crunching so loud under my feet that it makes me want to claw my ears off.

I find myself at the creek, sitting on a mossy rock. I begin to sob, hard. I'm now realizing I never really got the chance to cry yesterday.

Tears stream down my face and I begin to cry so hard that no sound comes out of my mouth. I press my thumb into the bandage on my wrist, stimulating a stinging sensation.

Sticks crunching behind me catches my attention and I'm met with a Walker.

I huff and stand up, "Haven't you ever heard of privacy?!" I yell, storming up to it. It's a big guy, wearing no shirt and cargo shorts with no hair and cowboy boots.

I go to unsheathe my dagger but nothing is there. I scream out in frustration, which causes the Walker to move quicker towards me.

I look around for something, anything. But just as my eyes lay on a fallen branch, the Walker grabs a hold of me and I get shoved into a tree. I yell out in pain as I put my arm up to the Walkers neck and try to shove it off of me. The Walker's face gets closer and closer to mine, my sobs are still filling the air.

I cry out as it shoves me to the ground and climbs on top of me. "Get off!" I yell through gritted teeth. One of my arms is still on its neck while the other is searching for a stick, a rock, anything.

Finally, my hand lands on a rock and I smack it on the side of the Walker's head, causing it to fall off of me. I sob and climb on top of it, screaming as I beat it's head open with the rock.

"Adrian! Adrian!" I hear someone yelling from behind me, I pretend not to hear them. I just continue to sob and beat the Walker, even though it's long gone.

Gentle hands lay on my shoulders and pull me off of the Walker. Whoever it is pulls me to them and hugs me as we sit on the ground.

I'm sobbing.

I look up and see Carol who has tears in her eyes as she sees my pain. I bawl my eyes out as she hugs me even tighter. I turn my head and see Daryl standing there, looking sympathetic. 

"I wanted him, Daryl." I cry out. "I needed him!" Daryl just nods, biting his lower lip. 

"I know, Adrian." He responds. 

"Who?" Carol asks Daryl. 

"Glenn!" I cry out. "Oh, honey." She whispers, putting her hand on my head and hugging me close to her chest. 

"I shouldn't have lied to myself. I knew. Everyone knew!" 

"Sh, sh. It's okay, honey." Carol shushes me, petting my hair. "When was the last time you've eaten?" She asks. 

"Yesterday." I reply, quietly. I don't feel sad anymore, I don't feel anything anymore. I just feel...

Numb. 

"Let's go get you some food then." Carol says, helping me stand up. 

Daryl's eyes fall onto the fresh blood on my bandage and I just look at him. I don't say anything, I just let Carol lead me out of the woods, Daryl trailing closely behind us. Once we make it out, we head up to the camp, I wipe my tears and walk up the hill, my hands still shaking.