Deadland

Chapter 129- I Fucking Failed You

(Longer chapter!!)

(TW!! Mentions of torture!!)

Gabriel approaches me, "I'll tell you if I find anything about 'Lyss, good or bad." 

I'm leaning on a tree while Gabriel gets ready to scout the Reapers. I haven't been able to hold my focus on anything, instead, my brain immediately goes to ways I can sneak inside the Meridian and find Alyssa. But, I know that's stupid and I know it could put her in more danger. So I need to wait, which is so much harder than just sacrificing myself for her. 

I nod, forcing myself to hold eye contact, "Thank you." 

Gabriel manages a small smile and rubs my shoulder before turning away and walking through the woods. Negan looks at Maggie and me, "You ready?" He asks. We've decided to pull a Whisperers and rally up as many Walkers as we can so we can use them against the Reapers. I'm not excited to smell like a rotting corpse and wear a rotting corpse mask but, it'll get Alyssa back. 

That's all I care about. 

"I'm not cuttin' up anyone I know. You're gonna have to find me four strangers." Maggie orders. 

"Only need four, I kept my mask for practical and sentimental reasons." Negan smirks.

"We don't have enough time to get picky and choosey." I sass, rolling my eyes and walking over to a Walker and plunging my knife into its rotted skull. "I'm sick of this bullshit." I mumble.

"We'll get her." Maggie assures me gently, watching as I crouch down next to the Walker. 

"We better." I reply swiftly, grunting as I shove my knife into the Walker's skin and slowly slice its face off. 

A few minutes later, Maggie and I have dead people's faces on ours and we're walking in circles, trying to practice herding. "Lower your shoulders, arms limp." Negan orders lowly. "Good." He says as Maggie and I's arms go completely limp.

The mask is fucking disgusting, slimy, and smells like a Walker's ass but I have to deal with it. Negan then cuts the Walker we had tied up loose, allowing it to follow Maggie and me just as it would in a herd. When Maggie trips over something small, I grab her by the arm and pull her up before she hits the ground. But, the Walker in front of us notices it and turns around, quickly approaching Maggie. Elijah and Negan grab the Walker before it can grab either of us and they tie it up to the tree again.

Maggie takes her mask off and throws it at Negan, "This piece of shit." 

Negan chuckles, "It's not gonna fit you perfectly. It was someone else's face. Look, this might actually work. And I mean it. If I can do it, you can do it." I stand off to the side, huffing and puffing angrily while they waste valuable fucking time. "I'll take this back, work on it, fix it for you. Then we'll try it again. You did good, Maggie." Negan looks at me as I take my mask off, "You too, Adrian." I don't reply, I just walk away. 

"I know how you feel," Maggie tells me, walking after me. "I felt the same way with Beth." 

"Did you, Maggie? Do you know how I feel? Was Beth the first person you looked for after the prison fell or was it Glenn? Because Alyssa was the first person I looked for, not Daryl." Now that I've started, I can't stop. "Beth wasn't being beaten, possibly tortured for information. Alyssa is. Alyssa-" My voice breaks and I turn away from Maggie to collect my composure. "I think Alyssa is." I face her again, the tears sucking back into my eyes. "I'm helpless, Maggie. Fuckin' helpless while she's alone...scared...hurting." 

Maggie hesitates before nodding slowly, "You're not helpless, Adrian. You're one of the strongest people I know and Alyssa is so lucky to have you on her side. Because if she has you on her side, that means she has god on her side."