Deadland

Chapter 80- Maybe It's Not

(HUGE TW!! For like...everything I've put a TW for in the past tbh!!)

Rick called a meeting in the church to talk about us killing the Saviors. I don't know if I'm going to say anything, I know everyone is gonna think I'm on the verge of insanity. 

But it's Negan. 

The Negan who saved me. The Negan who protected me when Nick tried to get back with me after I escaped his hellhole of an apartment. The Negan who let me spend the night at his house when I was scared that Nick was gonna find me. 

Or it's not him. Maybe I'm overreacting. 

Or maybe...

Alyssa elbows me gently, "You here?" She asks, noticing me zoning out. 

I nod but don't say anything, I just face the front of the church. 

"...and we can work with the Hilltop," Rick announces to everyone. The whole church is full of people. People to fight. People to help us kill. "Maggie hammered out a deal. We're getting food, eggs, butter, fresh vegetables. But they're not just giving it away." 

"These Saviors, they almost killed Sasha, Daryl, and Abraham on the road." 

That's right. The Saviors-possibly Negan's Saviors tried to kill my husband. My best friend. One of my close friends. But, then again, maybe he didn't know. Or maybe, it's not Negan.

"Now, sooner or later, they would've found us, just like those Wolves did," 

The Wolves, the group that attacked Alexandria when we went out to move the herd.

Rick continues, "Just like Jesus did. They woulda' kill someone or some of us. And then they would try to own us. And we would try to stop them. But by then, in that kind of fight, low on food, we could lose. This is the only way we can be as sure as we can get, that we win. And we have to win. We do this for the Hilltop, it's how we keep this place. It's how we feed this place." 

Or we could ask nicely? I could as nicely.

"This needs to be a group decision." Notes Rick. "If anybody objects, here's your chance to say your piece." 

Fuck.

I could object. Nobody will listen to me. Or they do and I save Negan. Or they do and we get killed by the Saviors.

I can feel my heartbeat pick up and my breathing becomes quietly heavier. 

What if we do kill Negan? How would I be able to live with myself? Negan was my best fucking friend back then. Along with Cato, Lucille, and Jey-Jey, Cato's wife. 

Everyone turns around, I feel like they're looking at me but when I see Alyssa turn around, I do too. 

Morgan is standing, his words coming out nervous and uncertain. "You're sure we can do it? We can beat 'em? " He asks. 

"What this group has done," Rick starts. "What we've learned, what we've become, all of us-yes, I'm sure." 

"Then all we have to do is tell 'em that." Morgan declares. 

Thank fuck.

"They don't compromise." Rick recollects, looking at Jesus who is sitting next to him. It made Alyssa giggle that a man named Jesus was in a church talking about killing people. 

"This isn't a compromise." Morgan quickly rebuttals. "It's a choice you give 'em. It's a way out, for them and for us." 

Rick answers, "We try and talk to the Saviors, we give up our advantage, our safety. No, we have to come for them before they come for us. We can't leave them alive."