Deadland

Chapter 130- I'm Done

(TW!! Mentions of torture and suicide!!)

We're bringing Alyssa back to bury her; there was no way in hell I was leaving her there. I held onto her the whole way home and with each passing second, she got colder. Negan left before we got back, though, he made sure to run it by me first. I told him it'd be safer if he did because I don't have the energy to fight his fights for him anymore.

As soon as we get to Alexandria and the group sees me carrying my little sister's body, all eyes are on me. I can't even look at anyone, not now. Not anymore. I blame everybody, I know I shouldn't, I know it's all Carver's fault and if there was anyone other than him to blame, it should be me. But we all failed to protect her. Every single one of us. 

Her screams of agony from when Carver stabbed her and twisted the knife ring in my head. Everywhere I go, the screams are there right behind me. 

"Adri!" Beatrice yells, running over to me with Magna. But, as soon as they see Alyssa's body wrapped in a sheet, they skid to a stop. "No," Beatrice whispers. Just at their reaction, my lip begins to quiver and I look down at the ground. 

"Adrian," Magna whispers, bolting over to me and hugging me over Alyssa. 

Feeling Magna's arms around me shatters me once again. Without warning, I break down, sobbing into her comforting arms. I know everyone's looking, I can tell it went oddly quiet, but I don't care. While holding me, Magna and I fall to the ground, her tears now staining my shirt. 

The world's lost its color again, but I know it won't return this time. Beatrice can't bring it back, Magna can't, Daryl, Negan, nobody can. 

Because we were too fucking weak to get up and fight, my little girl is dead.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," Magna whispers into my ear as Beatrice joins the hug on the ground. 

"Is that Alyssa?" I hear from behind me. 

Oh god.

When I turn my head, Inejra is standing there, a look of pure terror slathered onto her face. "Is that Alyssa?" She cries out, taking a step back. 

I stand up and run over to her, hugging her tightly before she runs off. "I know, I know," I repeat, our sobs intermingling with each other. Inejra screams into my arms, her body weight causing me to stumble but I manage to stay standing. "You were the last thing on her mind, 'Nej." I say, taking the red Red Socks hat off and placing it on Inejra's head. "All she was worried about was me finding you. She didn't say she was scared of death, or excited to see anyone after death. It was all you." 

Inejra wails and squeezes me tighter, her body shaking with each loud or quiet cry. "At least she doesn't have to deal with Alden flirting with her anymore." 

Inejra and I laugh tearfully and break the hug, "Yeah, well, maybe in the afterlife he still will." 

She looks around, "He didn't make it either?" 

I shake my head solemnly, "No..."

"You don't care?"

"No..." 

She forces a smile and hugs me again, "Alyssa was so lucky to have you, Adri." 

I shake my head, "She was lucky to have you, Inej'. You were her sun and she was your's," My chin quivers and I cup Inejra's cheek. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect her."

"Don't. I see the marks on you, you did everything you could." A frown twitches onto my lips and I hug Inejra again, swallowing the painful lump in my throat. When I break the hug and turn around, almost everyone is staring at either me or Alyssa's covered body, something that will forever haunt my dreams. The looks in their eyes, the scared, sad, understanding looks just irritate me beyond expression. And now I know I'll be on high watch for relapsing or killing myself. Great.