Deadland

Chapter 95- Life or Death...Literally

(TW!! Mentions of abuse and suicide!!)

When I open my eyes, I'm in the woods. 

It's a sunny day, I can feel the soft breeze, and the whispers of the trees from each gust of wind. Though the breeze isn't uncomfortable, it's almost comforting. 

I can't hear any birds, I don't see any Walkers, and I can't feel my stab wound. 

That's weird.

Leaves and sticks crunch under me as I slowly trek through the woods, constantly looking over my shoulder for something to jump out at me. 

I look at my hands, they're still covered in dried and cracking blood, no doubt my neck too as that's where most of the blood went. Down my collarbone, dripping slowly into my bra until it dried. 

When I look at my stab wound, I can see it's still there, though it's not bleeding, it's not hurting, it's just...there. My shirt is still wrapped tightly around it, stopping the non-existent bleeding. 

I make a noise from deep in my throat, checking to see if I can even make noise. 

I can, the monotone "hm" rumbles in my throat. 

Good sign...I think.

I don't want to do the dumbass "hello" that every character does in every movie. But I don't feel alone, though, it's not an uncomfortable feeling of being watched. 

It's almost like a watching-over type thing. 

I feel inside my pockets for something, anything. A battery, a cigarette, something. Right now, I don't feel real, I don't feel...there. 

What's the last thing you remember?

I close my eyes and inhale deeply through my nose, trying to envision the last thing I remember. 

I begin to see little specks of what looks like bombs, flying over a small town- Alexandria, exploding houses. Cato and I flew backward. 

Everything goes black again until I see myself on top of Nick, his face bloody, bruised, and swollen. Something cold dug into my stomach. 

Black.

I watch as my fingers dig into his throat, ripping it open. Then my hand reached inside his throat and ripped the inside out, feeling hot blood splatter over me, coating me. 

Black again. 

I'm in the sewers, lying on the cold metal, rippled ground as a few people surround me, Damien, Cato, Rosita. 

I said something, but I can't remember what. 

Black.

We're outside again, Damien bridal-style carrying me. Where are we going? I don't remember. 

Alyssa is saying something but her voice is muffled, like I'm underwater. 

Then, nothing. 

And nothing after that. 

That's the last thing I saw before...did I die? Where the fuck am I? There's no way I'm dead, I can't be. 

I place my hand on my heart, hearing but not feeling my breathing pick up the pace. I can't feel a heartbeat. 

The world spins around me as I spin, trying to figure out if I recognize these woods but I don't. Not the patterns of forest-green moss hugging the trees. Not the small boulders resting comfortably in the soft mud. 

Nothing. 

How do I feel about this? I can't tell. 

Yes, I've wanted to die since I was seventeen years old. But Alyssa just lost her boyfriend- that's why we were in the sewers!