Deadland

Chapter 44- PBND

Rick, Michonne, and Daryl leave to go find the Governor. I'm still sitting next to the table, my hand squeezing Alyssa's. There's a bucket next to me that I've puked in a few times from the drugs mixing together though it's been emptied out. 

Damien sits opposite of me next to her, still holding Alyssa's red Red Socks hat that he gave her. 

"Please...please..." I continue to whisper over and over. I've prayed more times than I can count, and I don't even believe in a god. 

Damien refuses to look at me, he just continues to stare longingly into Alyssa's face. 

I purse my lips into a thin line and nod, tears still rolling down my cheeks. 

"You think I'm a terrible sister too." I whisper, looking at my legs. "Everyone does." I squeeze Alyssa's hand harder. 

It's not about you. Shut up.

Damien takes a second to respond, "I don't think you're a terrible sister." He pauses, "But you shouldn't have allowed her to fight." 

A quiet whimper reverberates in my mouth as my brain realizes more and more that this is all my fault. 

I don't respond, I just squeeze Alyssa's hand in the order she would knock on my door when she was trying to get me out of Nicks relationship. 

One, one two, one, one two three.

My eyes widen as I feel that same pattern come from her hand to mine. 

One, one two, one, one two three.

I quickly stand up; I stumble a bit as I'm still lightheaded. "Alyssa?" I squeak, cupping her face with one hand as the other is still being held by her hand. 

Slowly, she pries her eyes open. Her bright blue eyes stare into my chocolate brown ones.

"Pretty b-words never die." She croaks slowly. I laugh through my cries at her words, "Yeah, that's right. Pretty bitches never die." Damien smiles and stands up, leaning over her as well. 

"Jesus you're a fuckin' tank." I whisper, petting her hair. 

She smiles, "As always." There's a moment of silence as I appreciate her features again. Even after being shot, she still looks like all of the stars plus the sun had a child.

Damien chuckles, "You gave us a scare there, kid." "Boo." She whispers. 

I laugh again and kiss her forehead; my lips linger for a moment. "I love you, Alyssa." "I love you, Adrian...and Damien of course." 

She ponders her thoughts for a moment, "It was the weirdest thing. I could hear and feel everything, but I couldn't move. Well...I remember being laid down on the table but after that I don't remember anything." She smiles, "I saw dad...he said that I had a choice. Stay with you or go with him and mom." She pauses for a moment and then looks at me, "I didn't want to leave you alone. I could hear the pain in your voice as you were...begging me to wake up." Tears well in her eyes. 

"I didn't want you to be mad at me for...leaving." A small squeak makes its way out of my lips. "'Lyss..." My voice is soft and quiet through my tears. "If you were ready to go... I would have let you go. I wasn't angry at you, honey." 

"Then who we're you..." Her voice trails off and her eyes close. Her hand becomes limp in both mine and Damiens and we look at each other with total fear. 

"Get Hershel, now!" I order Damien, he nods and quickly runs outside to fetch Hershel. 

"Alyssa Erin Walsh please don't leave me, I..."