Twisted Wonderland

A Mealtime Chat

"Bwah! Housewarden!"

Carter let out a nervous laugh. "Hey, Riddle! What's shakin', pal? You're lookin' adorbs, as always!"

Riddle folds his arms. "Hmph. Cater, keep running that mouth and you'll lose it, along with the rest of your head."

"Sorry, sorry! My bad!" Carter held his hands up in defense.

"Myah!" Grim stood in your lap and put his paws on the table. "You're the guy who put that stupid collar on me at the orientation ceremony!"

Riddle merely gave Grim a sideways glance. "And you're the new students who were nearly expelled yesterday. I'll ask that you not refer to my signature spell as a stupid collar. The headmage's habit of tolerating rule breakers like you is going to send this entire campus spiraling into chaos one day. Those who break the rules should have their heads removed immediately, without exception."

"Dude, seriously?" Ace mutters to himself. "This guy looks like a wimp, but talks like a monster!"

"The headmage may have forgiven you, but if you break any further rules, I assure you I will not."

"So, uh, listen, housewarden, sir..." Ace nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Any chance I could get you to remove this collar?"

"I had intended to remove it once you'd taken an opportunity to reflect upon your crimes. But I've not detected so much as a hint of remorse in the foolishness I've heard you spout today. So I think I'll let you keep that for a while."

Ace deflated at Riddle's words.

"Don't worry. The freshman curriculum is more focused on magical theory than practice. And your inability to use magic will help prevent incidents along the lines of what happened yesterday. Now, if you've finished your meal, you should quit gossiping and prepare for your next class. Rule 271 is quite clear: One must leave the table within fifteen minutes of completing their lunch. You DO understand what happens to rulebreakers, I trust?"

Ace sighs. "More insane rules..."

Riddle quirks an eyebrow and tilts his head. "I believe you mean to say, Yes, Housewarden!"

The students around you straighten their backs simultaneously. "Yes housewarden!"

Riddle nods his approval. "Very well then."

"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on them." Trey says while adjusting his glasses.

"Hmm. As vice housewarden, I trust you'll avoid any further indiscreet conversation."

Trey nods at Riddle's words.

"Now, as per rule 339: The post-meal beverage is to be lemon tea with two sugar cubes. Thus, I must go to acquire my sugar cubes. Farewell. Don't even get me started on their violation of running out of sugar cubes!"

Riddle turns on his heel and leaves the cafeteria. All the boys around you visibly relax.

"Yeesh! That was terrifying." Carter says while playing with a strand of his hair.

Grim nods. "That guy... has some serious issues."

Deuce glowers at the cat. "Hey, don't disrespect him!"

Other Heartslabyul students in the cafeteria start talking amongst themselves.

"Is the housewarden gone?"

"I totally just broke rule 186, never eat a hamburger on Tuesday. I don't know what I would have done if he'd caught me!"

"I wish he wouldn't come here so we could at least eat lunch in peace."