Twisted Wonderland

*Christmas Special* Toying With a Fair Maiden's Heart

"It's like I'm bound from head to toe." Leona says. "Can't even flex my fingers."

"I can't use magic either. What is happening?" Vil asks.

Eliza glares at the two. "I've been searching for my perfect prince for five hundred years. Yet you dare to march in here and claim to be him when you're so clearly not? You deserve an extensive lesson on the pitfalls of toying with a fair maid's heart. I'd say the same amount of time I've spent waiting should suffice."

Sebek's eyes widen. "Five hundred years?"

"I've never heard of a ghost who could paralyze humans with a slap." Jade brings a hand to his chin. "Her power is apparently just as exorbitant as her obsession."

Leona growls at the ghost. "You've got a lot of nerve turnin' me down over some nonsense!"

"How dare you rebuff my advances!" Vil adds. "You need to get over yourself."

"I'm not a fan of lying, but..." Jack looks to the rest of the boys. "If two of our housewardens couldn't make the cut, we've gotta seriously step up."

"Next," Eliza points. "you there. The strapping young man with the big white ears."

Jack steps forward. "Name's Jack Howl."

"How's your skill with a sword? What's the biggest monster you've slain? Do you have a legendary sword that's been passed down for generations?"

Jack flicks an ear. "A sword? What good's a glorified metal stick when I can just punch-"

Eliza slaps him across the cheek. "You're out!"

"Hey! That hurt!"

"You can't rescue a princess from monsters without a legendary sword. You're no prince!" Eliza points. "Next! You, the sharp-eyed, handsome one."

"I AM SEBEK ZIGVOLT!" He says passionately.

"What instruments do you play? The piano? Flute, perhaps?"

"You wish to know about musical talents? I'm so glad you asked, Ghost!" Sebek grins. "Let me tell you about my lord. His proficiency with stringed instruments is RENOWNED. His violin melodies are hauntingly beautiful... I once heard him on the cello, and his playing had such depth it shook me to my core! His music is every bit as mystical as himself-"

Sebek was slapped across the cheek.

"You're out!"

"PARDON?" Sebek glares at the ghost. "You're quite ill-mannered. I hadn't even finished speaking!"

"You know what's ill-mannered? Bringing up a totally unrelated person during a romantic interlude!" Eliza turns her back on him. "You're hardly prince material. Next! The one with the fetching spectacles."

Trey steps forward and offers a bow. "I'm Trey Clover. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Your Highness."

"I... I can't do this! I'm sorry, but we shouldn't see each other anymore." Eliza floats to the other side of the room. "Farewell!"

Trey stares at her. "She just... took off?"

Eliza stays at the other end of the room, silently posing dramatically. Trey turns to the boys. "Am I supposed to give chase?"

"Prolly." Floyd answers.

"All right, well..." Trey follows after her. "No! Please, wait!"

Eliza turns to him. "Didn't I just say we couldn't see each other?" She draped an arm across her face. "Please, don't spare me a second thought!"

"Looks like chasing was the right call." Trey glances over his shoulder. "What should I do next, though?"

"Trey, you're supposed to sing a song." Jade answers.

Trey's eyes widen. "A song? Right now?"

"That's right." Jade nods. "You need to establish a romantic mood with a touching melody that tickles her fancy."

Trey runs a hand through his hair. "I'm not exactly the best singer, but... Here goes. Uhhh... Your... Your..."

Eliza leans in closer. "Yes?"

"Your veil is... As bright as a freshly-bleached dishtowel... And your eyes, they're, um, like grapes. You're... so lively!"

Eliza stares at Trey for a long moment. "You're out!"

She slaps Trey and leaves a red mark. Trey sheepishly smiles. "Yeah, no surprises there."

"My veil is like a DISHCLOTH? My eyes are like GRAPES? A prince would never use such utterly unromantic analogies!"

Jade snickers. "Your similes were a tad mundane, to be fair. I'm shocked you couldn't even manage, your eyes are like jewels."

"Look, I'm just a regular student, and she totally put me on the spot." Trey reasons. "All I could think of were things I knew!"

"All right, next!" Eliza points to Floyd. "You there, with that disinterested look."

Floyd steps forward with a groan. "This lady's been really gettin' on my nerves. Can I squeeze her?"

Floyd immediately gets a slap to the face.

"You're out!"

"YEOWCH!"

Leona rolls his eyes. "What did you think would happen?"

"And last we have... you. The handsome fellow with a pleasant smile."

Jade steps forward with a bow. "Jade Leech, at your service. Do be gentle with me."

"Jade, you're the last one in the game!" Jack shouts. "It's all riding on you!"

"Would you accept a gift to commemorate our meeting?" Jade hands a beautiful flower to the ghost.

"My, what a lovely flower." Eliza delicately takes the flower. "Is it for me?"

Jade nods. "But of course, Your Highness. Handpicked by yours truly. I saw it and thought of you."

"He brought her a present?" Sebek exclaims.

Eliza smiles brightly. "Why, how thoughtful! I'm positively thrilled. Goodness, I believe my heart's all aflutter."

"Is this actually working?" Trey asks in disbelief.

Floyd rolls his eyes and scoffs. "Whatever. Jade. Isn't that the same flower you dug up in the mountains? The uberpoisonous one? You're just dumpin' it on her 'cuz you can't plant it anywhere else."

"Correct. It's a highly toxic flower that would ruin any other plants it was planted near. Normally a person's hand would break out if they so much as touched it."

Jade tilts his head and brings a hand to his chin. "But it doesn't seem to have an effect on ghosts. I've learned something new today."

Eliza glares at Jade. "Are you mad?" She backhands Jade across the cheek, leaving a red mark.

"That hurt, Your Highness!"

Vil rolls his eyes. "He might've succeeded but for Floyd's big mouth."

Floyd glowers. "Look, I just didn't like the idea of him sittin' pretty while I'm stuck in slapsville."

Jack lets out a groan. "Then it's a total defeat."

Eliza glares at the stunned boys. "What rude louts you are. Not a one anywhere near prince material!"

"Something's just occurred to me." Trey says. "Not to state the obvious or anything... But we're a bunch of students at an all-boys school. Yet we were supposed to propose to royalty? Isn't this whole challenge completely out of our league?"

Everyone thinks for a moment.

"Yeah, actually."