BULLIED 2

Submission 1113

Ok I've submitted before it was submission 1075. But like I said there's always another bully. I also wanted to add to my story because I left a lot out because it was personal but I don't care by now. I just hope no one I know sees this. :/

What type of bullying did you experience?: I experienced name calling, teasing, physical altercations, cyber bullying, basically every type of bullying.

How old were you when the bullying started?: I was 4 years old.

Who bullied you?: I've been bullied by regular bullies and also by my so called friends. I've been teased and even sometimes hit by my own family but I'm not sure if it counts as bullying if it's a family member. :/

They mainly did it because I was a nerd and geek (in my opinion not a bad thing) and my "friends" did it because they found out I was bisexual.

What did the bullies say or do to you?: The regular bullies called me names and when I got older teased me about how I looked. They said I was ugly and a loser that no one could ever like. My friends when they found out I was bi called me names and pushed me around. They turned everyone against me and it was very easy to do so because I lived in a very religious area at the time. My family would call me names a lot. They told me to do all the chores and when I back talked my mom would sometimes hit me and my step dad actually threw me a couple of times. My younger brothers grew to dislike me because I was always the one in charge of them. They threw things at me and screamed and called me names they probably shouldn't have known at their age. My grandparents compared gay, lesbian, bi, and Transgender people to rapists and murders and said it was just as serious of a sin as killing someone. I love my family I have a couple good memories with them but I'm also scared of them.

How did you feel while you were being bullied?: Well when a regular bully did it I was just mad but I also felt hopeless cause I couldn't do anything or else I'd get in trouble. When my "friends" bullied me I was so humiliated. I felt betrayed because I had trusted them with my secret and they had told everyone. When my family did it I was scared. I was scared of my parents and scared of what my parents were turning my little brothers into. I was ashamed of being bi and scared that I would go to hell.

How did you feel after being bullied?: I always ended up feeling really sad and tired.

Did anything help you cope with that feeling?: I always would write on Wattpad and play my violin. Writing and the music would just drain away all the feelings and leave me very relaxed.

Have you ever self harmed and/or fallen into a state of depression as a result of being bullied?: I did fall into depression. I thought for a time that I deserved what came to me and that I was just a sick twisted person for being who I am. I didn't do anything too serious but I would always do things that would seem like accidents like slamming my hands in doors or "accidentally" slicing my hands with a knife while doing the dishes stiff like that. I kept everything hidden because I didn't want to get caught by my parents because they would get mad. They would think I was just doing it for attention and I would get in trouble. so I would do that sort of stuff and say it was an accident.

Have you ever contemplated suicide as a result of being bullied?: I did once and I almost tried but I got it out of my head and didn't let myself think it again. Nothing is worth taking your life.

Have you told anyone you know that you were bullied?: Not anyone where I live now. I moved in with my dad in 7th grade. My dad and step mom don't know and I've hinted towards it with one of my friends but she never got the hints. So no one knows.

Why/why not?: I am ashamed that it happened and didn't want anyone to know about it. I don't want my friends to think I'm weak and abandon me. I'm ashamed that I was weak and couldn't put a stop to it.

How long were you bullied for?: If you count the time my family bullied me (not sure if it counts still :/) then it'd be about a decade.

Are you still being bullied?: I wouldnt say bullied but I do get called names frequently. I am also teased by 2 of my friends for liking girls and guys and they'll purposely say stuff to make me uncomfortable. I have asked them to stop but they never do. :/

I still have depression today. I still sometimes slam my hands in doors. I cut my legs sometimes. I cut my hands and punch walls to make my knuckles bleed it helps me somehow but I do it much less often now. I have big self image problems despite friends and my step mom saying I have a nice figure. I have huge trust problems and I don't trust a lot of people. I trust maybe 2 of my friends and I don't even trust my new family or my teachers or anyone. I still have to visit my mom and stepdad and am still scared. I'm always afraid that someone will betray me or hurt me.

Questions: how do I know that someone won't betray or abandon me? Can I trust my friends and should I tell them about this? How do I get the 2 friends and others to stop teasing me about that fact that I like both girls and guys?

Advice: Ignoring the problem doesn't help! Stand up for yourself and tell a trusted adult. Always make sure your friends aren't fake and wont betray you before you tell them stuff. Don't give up! Even though it may take a while or it might never stop there will eventually be people there for you that make life worth living.