Star Dazed

[FS]: Chapter Fourteen: Like A Shattered Glass

[Dedicated to malikah_p for belated birthday wish! IYKWIM! ;) May Allah grant you a life filled with love, happiness and prosperity! ]

VOTE. 

COMMENT.

PROMOTE.

I'm afraid if I listen to my heart once, I'll never figure out how to ignore it again.".

-Confess, Colleen Hoover

Chapter Fourteen

Like A Shattered Glass

(Maahirah)

                                                                                                           22nd January

It was simple, way too simple, when I reach home, I usually just greet Mom and rush to my room and stay there till the next day. This is done easily because Dad since I returned has embarked himself on a business trip which kind of gave me my own space at home. Mom doesn't pester me as she knows I might snap at her anytime and this makes her avoid me.

So, when I park my car today after school, I accept to do the same thing. However, when I unlock the door and get in, I find Dad's Oxford shoes by the entryway closet. I mentally shake my head.

Jeez.

I send out my Salaam and I hear an answer in return from both of them. I pause in my steps. When they go back to the conversation they are having, I exhale a sigh and race to my room, locking the door.

I press my back against the door, and slump down. My eyes pooling with tears. I'm angry, scared, confused and drowning in guilt.

Scared; because my Mum is dead and I'm defenseless. What if the people who were her enemy can now easily reach to me? Even though, I'm not associating myself with Elton or its people, I'm not sure, the enemies will care about my opinion at all.

Guilt; because a part of me believes that she is dead because of me. Even though it was Cancer, but all the rational thoughts in my mind are departed, giving space to all the depressing notions, and this somehow blaming myself has little bit peace to my soul

Confused and angry; because Aayan comes back in my life as my teacher? Like, what even! The day he dropped me at home, I made it clear to him that I don't want to see him at all anymore now. That day he respected my decision and promised me that he'd give me space. But, maybe that day, he knew I wasn't just referring to temporary break, I was talking about....permanent relief from him.

Somewhere during my inner-mind battle, I've gotten up from the floor and have crawled into my bed and lost myself in a slumber.

When I wake up, the room is dark. And, I'm almost certain that I didn't hear any voice waking up so I close my eyes back. Someone shakes me gently. I sit up straight, wide-eyed and turn on my lamp.

"Mom?" Her face glows in the light of incandescent bulb. I clench my fist to my heart, panting.

"You okay?" She grabs my fist and places it on her lap. "Was it a bad dream?"