Chapter 19

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***DARCIE***

I drowned every thought I had of Nikki in everything this bus had to offer.

It was perfect. Nikki was gone, he was out my system, and when came back to cloud my brain..I had a bottle of Jack to get me through. Everyone was asleep, which only left me in my in my cute pink night gown to roam around the bus and drown myself out.  I swiped the bottle of jack from the table, and twisted off the cap and pulled the bottle up to my lips, I quickly pressed play on my cassette player. I kept taking taking bigger gulps so it would hit harder. Fuck, I love this song, what song is this even? I felt a wave of nausea come over me, I held onto a wall to stabilize myself, I was fine. It worked...shit I can't see anything. Is it possible for pitch black to look fuzzy? Is Nikki thinking about me? no fuck Nikki...he's a fuckin ass, I pulled the bottle to my lips again as I stumbled a bit, I'm surprised I haven't tripped and fell on my ass yet.

'you can't put your arms around a memory, don't try'

huh, I like that, some words of wisdom Johnny, wish I can actually take those words and do it...I can't help but feel some sort of anger towards myself, but why? I didn't do anything! As I pulled the bottle towards my mouth again I bumped into a wall, but I've been walking back and fourth this entire time why am I hitting this wall now? I felt a large but light gentle hand touch my shoulder.

"shit" i jumped turning around, I stumbled a bit, it was like the sensation you get when you stand up too quick, I saw stars and I felt like I was going to fall, until his arms caught me. I could tell by the large fucking shadow that it was Duff. He was leading me somewhere but I couldn't tell where, his arms were sort of just dragging me as I kept stumbling but he quickly caught me, I felt my body being sat down somewhere, my hands touched something soft which felt like a blanket, my ass hit a bed.

"you okay?" he chuckled, his voice was course, like he just woke up, I know it's not morning already.

"hold on let me...turn on a light so I can see you" he said, groaning as he got up, he turned on a little lamp that looked like the brightest piece of shit I have ever seen. My eyes traced back to Duff, his hair messy but not so different from the usual teased mess, he was wearing an open blue button up over his shirtless body , how the fuck is this guy not squinting? that light is brighter than the damn sun. My lip was playing around with the bottle, as Duff sat back next to me.

"come on give that to me" he said as he took the bottle from my hand, I would have fought harder if I had the energy and mental stability but I didn't, he held the bottle and took one gulp from the bottle putting it down at his feet, "don't you sleep?" he asked

"insomnia" I responded "that's why I'm drinking...knock myself out" I laughed

"I usually sneak pills from Nikki or something but..."

...

"Nikki" I whined

"whatsup Doll" he said groggily, I can tell he was tired, extremely tired. All the performing and wilding out wiped him out.

"just give me a xan so I can fall asleep"

"you should go to a doctor Darce" he groaned.

"they'll prescribe the same shit anyway, plus this is temporary, I just want to be able to cuddle with you...Nikki you are being worked to the fucking bone, you have to sleep"

"baby, it's fine" he smiled, as he mindlessly threw himself next to me and kissed my cheek.

"I'm fine" he muttered I could see his eyes fluttering and closing, but he kept on shaking himself awake, I rolled my eyes, I searched around the room it has to be here somewhere. I saw the baggie of little pills on the counter, I quietly reached over. No point it chopping them up, I was eager to just sleep. I took a pill out the bag and swallowed it, I chased it down with some vodka on the table, I smiled seeing Nikki eyes closed, I tapped him lightly, he woke up and sprung up and looked at me, I climbed over him and lead him to the back room.

"come on Nikki, let's go to bed" I smiled as he stumbled groggily to the back of the bus with me, we tucked ourselves into the bed, he took a deep breath and turned to me, he ran his hands through my hair and pulled me closer to his chest, I placed my leg on top of him as he clung onto my waist as I rested my head on his chest, I felt his heart beat slow down a bit I smiled and looked up at the passed out Nikki, I gave his exposed chest a light kiss and held onto him a little tighter, and drifted off.

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