***DARCIE***
1989
Two years of a little nagging and childish comments here and their from both of us, I tried not to encourage them. Especially when Duff was drunk, he was mean as hell. It felt like it was on again off again, but we never collectively got back together. Sometimes we'd yell at each other and give each other uncalled for attitudes, next minute we'd fuck, another minute we'd slap each other and the next we were in each other's arms again. Nobody knew what was happening...and I was getting sick and tired of press and paparazzi only asking me about what was happening....I'm an actress not some damsel and distress to make a story out of...plus I didn't even know myself what we were. Duff's drinking got excessive and he'd been snorting so much coke I'm afraid he'll become exactly what he dreaded. Trying to block him out couldn't work, his voice, his face, how can I?
All the boys were in their rooms, Duff and I were minding our business, aggressively going through cupboards, for a drink, food, or our next fix. Trying to get attention from each other but also acting pissed off at the same time. I slam the door to one of the cupboards and so did he...I move to the next one...low and fucking behold we go to the same one. My hands near his on the cupboard door, we look at each other, look down and clear our throats. I surrender and take my hands off, my feet off my tip toes and steadily on the ground I lean on the counter behind me and cross my arms.He stares into the cupboard, we both sigh. He slams the cupboard door close making me flinch, god startle much.
"what the fuck is happening?" he asks frustrated....pfft like I know, "I don't know Duff"
"what do you mean you don't know" he said his eyes squinted, I grumble to myself for a minute, refusing to look up at him because quite frankly I can't talk if I do, I bit my lip. I want to cry. My fingers fiddle with my lips, tears well up in my eyes but I quickly shake them off. "don't you think we just need some time...patience?" I let out a breathy laugh "your wrote it yourself" I tried to joke, he didn't respond right away...he looked at me like I was an idiot which honestly hurt but I didn't let if affect me, no words were spoken. "what?" I put my hands on my hip.
"time? patience? is that what you think I need?" he questioned, "I-I guess"
"that's nice" is he being sarcastic or what? "no really that's nice but I don't think you get-"
I begin to walk away"Jesus Christ, skip the god damn theatrics, get what?, really get what Duff?! cause I don't understand what else would be needed for this right now! what you need? you need time to get your shit together-" I feel a soft but strong grip only my wrist, turn me around, I gasp. His big hand still wrapped around my small wrists, our faces merely inches apart. I could feel it both of us wanting to just give in lean it, I want to kiss him. I'm in awe like it's the first time I'm looking at him, fury, annoyance, but also a shit ton of romantic and sexual tension mixed in with the nagging circled around us. His jaw clenched "I need you Darcellyn" he says.
"no you don't" I let out like I was holding my breath. His eyes turned doughy, his eyes filled with worry, like I just pierced a hole through his heart. Both of our hands on each other's face "can't you see what I do to you?" fuck it...I let some tears spill out, his thumb swipes it away as he nods his head. "I fuel your fire Micheal"
"that's good" he says desperately, his voice almost breaks in almost a cry, a with that my heart broke. "it's good sure" I sniffle "but in so many ways it's affecting how you work, you only care when it's about me...you only speak up when it's about me. You waste your time defending me, protecting me, I fuel it for everything!"
"b-but that good" he whined "you make me better, you make me feel like a man" I felt my heart sink, I wanted to drop down to my knees and sob but instead I just looked down and sniffled and held my head back up.
"sure, I'll give it to you. were great together and quite honestly Duff we could do anything, we could murder everyone and have blood on our hands and there will still me some type of extreme romantic, intoxicating tension around us, but were destroying each other by doing this, cause I see you and I see me and you know what I see? I see some fucked up kids that are self destructing and they think it's okay cause in the process of doing so they say their doing it in the name of love" he lets go of me, turns aways for a second a hand on his head "how is that bad?!" he raises his voice, I tremble a bit, but toughen up. "you love me too much" I say, I feel every inch of my body slowly tear.
"damn right I do" he growls "I love you too much Darcellyn, what's gonna happen?"
"Sid and Nancy loved each other too much too and look where that got them..." I said "that's different they were drug addicted junkies" he fought back.
"are we any different?"
