***DARCIE***
Soulmate- A Person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic parter
I had a realization, one that had been in my mind for a while but just clicked and had motivation for now. If I don't do it now, god knows what can happen, I might end up in a body bag. I thought my break from my fake Hollywood facade was getting drunk and coked out of my mind, it still feels as if it is, I don't know how long it took but I know it needs to stop. Just because you haven't overdosed doesn't mean you shouldn't get your shit together. I don't know what it is I needed ; spiritual awakening, rehab, an extra bump of artistic flow, serotonin, a psych evaluation, or simply just some time alone. Whatever it is and however long it takes so find it, I know for a fact that it's something I had to face alone, no one else. Tommy is my brother, I wouldn't want him to see me endure such hardship and perhaps maybe even some suffering; just about the same goes to Nikki.
I've fallen in love with so many characters, each of them we're unique, each of them I can learn from and they can learn back. Nikki was spirit and realization of the wrong. Izzy was youth and importance of kindness, and I'm sure their were many more and perhaps even more to come, but no love has hit me as hard or in such a short amount of time as Duff's... as cheesy and gross as it sounds, that's something called true love. Though his love took be by surprise I don't doubt any of it. Though we have fights every second, we still remain with the same feelings with he wrong reaction, it's everything; the toxicity, the Sid and Nancy state of mind, the being dangerously in love, the excessive use of drugs feeling and being normalized just because were together...
They headed off to the gig, I packed my shit in my car. Though I was planning on just leaving now, I wanted to see them again. It wasn't just Duff, Guns N Roses as a whole made a huge impact on me. Not that Motley Crue was no fun or hasn't taught me a lot, but with gnr I found a way to escape from everything. Escape from fame, escape from being noticed as 'Tommy Lee's little sister', with gnr I found clarity in myself, though it was quickly drowned by overpowering my problems with massive amounts of drugs; I loved gnr, and I have no doubt in my mind that I love their bassist...Duff Mckagan is my soulmate.
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The bells jingled to the club, people gathered around the stage, Duff eyes were covered by sunglasses which wasn't normally something he'd bring on stage, he quickly looked away as he proceeded to plug his bass in. My veins felt like they were gonna pop out of my wrist was I going to tell him? or should I just leave after the show?
"alright, we're gonna do some new songs we've never done before...." Axl mumbled into the mic, looking back at the guys. He looked back at the crowd "I want a blowjob if anyone's down" Slash said, the boys laughed and the crowd giggled and cheered. Axl cleared his throat "uh Duff" Axl looked at him, he quickly shook his head. "come on man" he coaxed, Duff rolled his eyes, what's going on?
"so here's a song that's gonna be...somewhere. written by our lead beer drinker Duff Mckagan" the crowd cheered, and clearly I'm intrigued. A guitar pattern that I wasn't really familiar with came out the amps, it was melodic, not your typical hard rock but it was nice. But one thing I realized is that I didn't hear the bass, I looked over at Duff staring blankly at the amps in crowd in front of him, his gaze not very direct cause he has sunglasses on, the boys looked at him as he quickly took off his bass and fled.
what. the. fuck.
I sped out the club and rushed into the alleyway which was where the back door was, Duff's silhouette in the night holding a full bottle of Smirnoff that made me grumble as I walked up to him.
"what are you doing?" I say firmly. His mouth opened but no words come out, I was looking at him...no response I can barely even read him. "take them off" I say, his head shoots up, though I can't see his eyes I knew they were looking at mine, he shook his head. "let me see your eyes Duff" I whine. He reaches a hand to his face slowly sliding the glasses off, his eyes red, the skin surrounding his eyes also red and irritated, my heart hurt. Oh Duff. God did I do this? am I causing this much pain? god no. I can't. I gulp down on my saliva as a tear rolls down my eye, I try to conceal the rest I feel pooling in my eye. I feel sick.
