An Outsider's Call

54

SAWYER

I try my best to hold it together. It's been over a day, and I'm terrified to break it to everyone, and terrified to accept it. Everyone is depending on me to figure it all out.

America and I can still see each other. She's not saying anything... but she's here. And I'm in her mind too. My powers are so weak by now... and my veins are barely seen white. The Chair is really messing up my powers, and so is my brain.

It's like my body is attacking itself.

Today is the day we prepare to save Lillette. We know we'll give her a few options... and any of her choices can go either way. She may have been a total ass the first time I met her, but she's now one of the closest friends I'll have.

Lim and Laura have taken Lillette to the Chairs room, when Tyler and I are getting ready to go down to see them getting a few of the supplies ready.

As I'm sorting the surgical supplies, I realize I've started to hear quiet noises from the bathroom... It sounds like... crying... I'm pretty sure Tyler is in there. Confused, I walk over to the bathroom door, slowly creaking it open. I see Tyler clutching the edge of the sink, staring in the mirror letting out shaky breaths.

I sigh, looking at him sympathetically. Tears drip from his eyes, dropping into the sink as he lets out a sudden choke.

I think he's having an anxiety attack.

"Tyler..." I say, in a high soothing voice. He looks over at me, pursing his lips, not trying to hide any of his emotion at all. I walk over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, sit down, sit down."

He sits down at the edge of the bathtub. I grab one of the plastic Dixie cups from the wall, fill it up with water, and hand it to him. I soothe my hands up and down his shoulder as he drinks from the cup, "There you go, just breathe..."

A few minutes pass until he can calm down just the slightest bit, wiping his eyes.

"I... uh... I didn't bring my meds..." he says, sniffing after the sentence.

"Okay..." I say. "We'll figure that out..."

He stares off, his mind looking blank, yet full of so much emotion. He's worried about Lillette. I know he is.

"Ty, look at me," I say. He lets out an exhale, and turns to me. "We're going to save Lillette. Okay? We're going to save Lillette."

He turns his head away, staring forward. As he stares off, he starts shaking his head little by little. He holds his fingers up to his lips, more tears forming in his eyes. He lets out another exhale, turning to me, "I hesitated Sawyer...!"

I sigh, "Ty, please..."

"I hesitated..." he mutters, his voice shaking.

"Tyler, come on. Don't beat yourself up for this," I say. He quickly wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, covering them with his palm. "Emmet was the one who shot Lillette. Not you. Period."

"I saw him raising the gun. I knew he was going to shoot when Lillette was in front of me. I let her get shot," he mutters to himself, hearing the anger in his voice. He sniffles as I stare at him sighing. "I can still smell the blood on my hands... I can see it in my finger nails. I was washing the blood off absolutely anguished, never been so mad at myself."

"America orchestrated the attack at the party," I recall. "Children of Freemind captured you and Lillette. Emmet was the one who had the gun. He is the one who got her shot. Not you. Do you hear me?"

He says nothing for a long number of seconds, blinking away tears. It's almost like just by looking at his face he doesn't wanna believe my words.

"I don't think I'd ever be able to move on if she dies," he says. Those words just got real for me. "She's my friend, she's always been my friend. I've put up with her for eight months, rejecting her back of forth because she's in love with me, and Jesus it's annoying... But I feel like... some sort of Lord thought she needed Karma, and just... shot her in the abdomen to show... I'd hesitate and not take a bullet for her. It sounds stupid... but I'm worried it is."

"I don't want you to think that way..." I say. He sighs, raising his eyebrows. He lets out a shuddering breath, seeing another line of tears prick up in his eyes.

"What if she dies?" he shudders, turning to me in a calm, panicked expression.

"She won't." I say, too scared to hear those words out loud.

"What if she does though?" he shudders. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Ty..." I say, raising my eyebrows trying to calm him down.

"What if  she dies?!" he shudders, raising his voice to a loud whisper.

"She's not gonna die..." I assure, trying to soothe him the best I can.

"But I'm telling you, Sawyer," he begins, a tear falling from each of his wide eyes. He shakes his head as he says it. "What if it happens...?"

I stare at him, seeing the fear and heartbreaking expression in his eyes. I put my other hand on his left shoulder, looking directly at him. He looks at me, still looking ashamed of himself. I will not let him be.

"If..." I begin, raising my eyebrows. He stares at me, getting more and more expressionless. I absolutely hate to say a sentence like this aloud about my friend... but I'll say it for him "If... she doesn't make it... We'll get through this together. As a team. You'll have Jamie, you'll have me. But I am telling you, Tyler. Don't you... dare... blame yourself for this. And if there is a Lord, he'd forgive you. This wasn't Karma, this is a horrible, dangerous thing that happened to a girl trying to do  better.  You'd  have  people  to  take  the  burden  off  you,  Jamie  wouldn't  even  dare  to  let  you  live  like  that.  Being  the  amazing  guy  he  is,  he'd  take  all  his  time  and  day  to  take  care  of  you.  I  know  that  for  a  fact  because...  he  did  the  same  for  me.  And  I  wish  he  was  here  for  this  right  now,  but  for  now,  hear  my  words."

He  stares  at  me,  his  eyes  getting  less  teary.

"Do  not  put  this  all  on  you.  I  know  hearing  Jamie's  words  would  be  better  for  you,  but  this  is  all  I  can  give  you  right  now.  I'll  say  the  things  he'd  say.  And  I  don't  care  if  that's  not  enough  for  you,  but  listen  to  me,"  I  say.  He  listens  closely.  "Do  not  put  this  all  on  you.  You  hear  me?  Don't  do  that.  I  mean  it."

He  sits  there,  turning  away  from  me,  staring  off.  His  knee  bounces  as  a  few  more  seconds  pass,  until  he  turns  to  me.

"Let's  just  go  be  there  for  her..."  he  mutters.  I  nod,  smiling.  I  rub  his  shoulder,  getting  up  from  the  bathroom.  He  follows  after  me,  me  giving  him  a  smile.

Tyler  seriously  has  such  a  big  heart,  and  incredibly  selfless  when  it  comes  to  so  many  things.  I  just  hope  he  can  live  through  whatever  happens  to  Lillette.  I  don't  know  if  I  can...  after  finding  out  what  killed  my  mother... I'm  the  one  that  has  to  hold  it  together  here...