Dice [h.s.]

3

"Yes I've made mistakes. Life didn't come with instructions. And if it did, I wouldn't follow them anyway."-Unknown

August 12, Present

I'm a desperate son of a bitch. I'm not gonna hide it or act like it's not true, because it is. I'm a desperate son of a bitch who could be walking straight into my own, pre-dug grave. A few months ago I asked for help from the infamous Harry Styles. But, when he told me his "price," I basically told him to go fuck himself. It didn't end too well with him that night. So let's just say he probably wants my head on a stake, or worse. He wants me alive and wants to torture me until the day that I die. Kind of hope he kills me today.

Anyways, the more I really got to think about how badly I want to find my father's killer, the more I wanted to accept his deal. I asked Natalie about it and she said that she loves me and that it was nice knowing me. In her words exactly, "I'll plan your funeral if I can find your rotting corpse." Not the best advice from her but it was something. I mean, I was coming to my breaking point, to anxious to do my job since my dad's murder was on my mind 24/7. So, that's why I'm here, writing my will in the notes app on my phone. Apartment goes to Natalie, all my money goes to my Mom, goldy (my pet fish) goes to Natalie. I was here to finally accept his offer. Yes, after a lot of consideration, I decided to give my body away so I can find out why and who killed my dad. He was a good man who deserves peace. I also don't really think he'll mind me becoming a prostitute. He always said I was very pretty and that it could get me places in life. Maybe prostitution wasn't what he had in mind but he's not here to tell me otherwise so.

I slapped on a nice pair of high waisted rip jeans and a black crop top this morning, while also writing down all my passwords to my phone just in case I do die. The shirt really showed off my cleavage which was definitely on purpose so I had a bit of an advantage. It was also a hot summer day in Nevada, so it was to let the titties breathe. Ya know, for someone who could be on a suicide mission right now. I should be more nervous. The usual pit in my stomach when I'm doing brave things like this isn't there. It's like, I know I'm gonna come walking out of there alive.

I parked my ancient white Subaru in one of the many parking spots in front of the casino. The casino was closed right now, but I had a feeling the man I was looking for was here. I can't tell you why, I just do. God I'm so fucking weird. I got out of my creaky car hesitantly, not really wanting the last thing I do alive is drive my run down car to my inevitable doom. Old Silvia here has been with me since my freshman year of college. Natalie bought it for me when she was high as fuck in our dorm room on CarMax. She gave it to me as an early birthday present. She gave it to me six months before my birthday. Besides, this old thing brought me to and from Brooklyn to out here, where I went to college. I just finished college last fall for writing. I'm an aspiring writer. Or, as my mom likes to call me, a dumbass with too big of dreams. Mother of the year am I right?

I slammed my car door shut, listening to the silent whimper coming from my car's engine. I'm sorry Silvia, I'm having an anxiety attack right now. I gripped my keys in my sweaty hand, slipping around my thumb until I hit the lock button. I smoothed my hand on the roof of my car and pressed a quick kiss to the top of it, feeling the sun's burning rays on my lips. I didn't care though, I wanted to say goodbye just in case this was the last time I ever saw her again. Ya know what, I need a cigarette. No. Not right now. I have this weird habit of smoking when I'm anxious. It's a habit I formed back in high school. I fucked around and got addicted while hanging out with the local gang.

I took an unreassuringly deep breath, frowning at my car and turning towards the dark and empty casino. The casino was completely vacant at the ripe time of twelve o'clock in the afternoon. Or morning? I don't know, that shit's way too confusing. I walked slowly towards the entrance, stopping abruptly in my tracks when I noticed someone standing in front of the front doors.