Dice [h.s.]

40

"I forgive you for treating me the way you felt about yourself." -butterflies rising

-

Kennedys POV

Memories. We all have so many of them. Some from our childhoods, and others from our adult lives. I have memories. More good than bad. Yet, somehow the bad outweighs the good. How? Why? Is there a reason why the bad are more memorable than the good?

The bad memories feel like a knife digging into your heart over and over again on repeat. You can't stop it, you can't fight it. The only thing you can do is accept it. Accept the pain, accept the fear, and accept that no matter what you do you are helpless.

You're stuck in a void of suffering, unable to get out. Sometimes, if you're lucky, there's little beams of light that give you a second of happiness. But it never lasts. It's always a recurring cycle of hell.

But with Harry, he was more than just a beam of light. He was a rope. He was helping me escape from the pit of pain. Then all of a sudden, the rope dropped. All of the happiness that was shining it's way into the bad memories had slipped away in a single second.

I was once more left in the dark, wallowing in my torturous memories. So why would I forgive someone who was picking up my broken pieces, just to smash them all over again?

I tossed and turned all night, memories of Harry that were supposed to be good replayed like static on a TV. I wanted it to stop, I needed it to stop. I just wanted silence.

"Of course I would. I always will." Harry smiled at me with relief in his eyes. He stepped into the concrete room and ran to me.

...

"Because I care about you too!" Harry raised his voice slightly. He gulped back any further words.

...

"Yours aren't too bad yourself. Kind of like a perfect mixture of the sky and the ocean." Harry narrowed his eyes and nearly grinned to himself. I giggled at his compliment.

...

"You do all of that. You believe there's more to me than the monster I am. You defend me even when I'm not there. You fought for me when I couldn't. And you love to disagree with me." Harry chuckled and flashed me a genuine smile. I smiled in return.

All the happiness I felt in those moments were wiped away the minute he let go of the rope. The giggles, the smiling, the genuine contentment. All gone and I don't know if I will ever get it back.

I rolled out of bed at around six in the morning, sprawled out in my tangled sheets. My curtains were open, exposing my body to the warm lit glow of sunrise. I smiled slightly at the feeling. It momentarily wiped away my tiredness.

I turned over in the bed, feeling the blankets tighten around my chest as I reached for my phone. The first thing I saw was a few notifications from various social media sites I rarely use. Then a text, from Harry.

I rolled onto my back and held my phone above my head.

"Be at Alea, eight a.m. sharp. Wear something nice, not black. More info to come. Fuck." I read the message quietly and groaned. Why, of all days, was today the day he chose to bring me on an errand.

I collapsed my arms on the bed and felt my phone fall beside my hand. A pit in my stomach awakened at the thought of seeing him today. I didn't know if it was nerves or excitement.